
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, April 2, 1990                   TAG: 9003310708
SECTION: EDITORIAL                    PAGE: A9   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: R. TODD PACK
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

`I'M PRESIDENT'

ONCE UPON a time, there was a president named George who didn't want to eat his broccoli.

"I don't like broccoli, and I will not repent;

"I don't have to eat it because I'm president."

Well, his nanny Barbara tried to make him eat it, and the members of his Cabinet tried to get him to eat it, and Congress even passed a bill to make him eat it. But George vetoed the bill, saying,

"I don't like broccoli, and I will not repent;

"I don't have to eat it because I'm president."

Ending 1: For Republicans.

So, when all the good little boys and girls of America saw that the president wouldn't eat his broccoli, they wouldn't eat theirs either. They argued with their parents over the broccoli, started protest demonstrations when the school cafeterias served broccoli, and formed the Broccoli Abolitionist Front. The whole nation stood on the brink of chaos. When George saw the unspeakable horror he'd caused, he made a special televised press conference, where he said,

"I didn't like broccoli, but I now repent;

"I will eat it because I am president."

And when all the boys and girls of America saw George eating broccoli, they realized the error of their ways, and returned home to their families and steaming plates of broccoli. And they all lived happily ever after, especially the broccoli farmers.

Ending 2: For Democrats.

So, as the president continued his foolish habit of not eating his broccoli, he decided that certain other vegetables must go, too. In due course, beets, turnips, and brussels sprouts were eliminated from the presidential menu. And poor George's health and emotional well-being failed because he wasn't getting the necessary vitamins and minerals for his job.

And so, when Gorby called George over to Moscow's new playground, George foolishly started a fight that ended with clouds shaped like huge, glowing broccoli stalks all over the world. So remember, children, to always eat your broccoli and never, never ever play with nukes!

by CNB