Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SATURDAY, May 5, 1990 TAG: 9005050028
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: E-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
I certainly have not been idle.
I have added a line of perfectly stunning linen coats, an absolute rhapsody of new ties, trousers, new shoes and two very conservative $600 suits.
In addition, I have supplemented my wardrobe with several pairs of charmingly accented shorts, polo shirts, and hand-woven knee socks.
I always say that a man needs to be well-dressed, even when he is off from work and enjoying himself.
I have topped all of this off with some expensive silk shirts with my monogram on them. I understand Donald Trump has dozens of these shirts.
Whoa. Anybody who knows me will recognize the paragraphs above for the shameful lies that they are.
I have not bought any new clothes - let alone any charmingly accented shorts, whatever that means.
To be truthful, I am still recovering from the price of this blue blazer that I bought on sale last year.
A deep need for privacy in my personal affairs will not allow me to tell you the price of this coat. Let us just say that my credit card was limp for several days afterward.
What I have done is get into the trunk that had the summer clothes in it and struggle into anything that would fit me.
There were several pairs of britches. The Bad Winter Fairy had caused all their hems to come undone. There were a number of short-sleeved shirts with frayed collars.
I have looked in the second-from-the-bottom drawer of my dresser and found:
(A) A pair of knee-length shorts made of what appears to be rock-washed denim. They are so heavy that I have a tendency to fall down when I wear them.
(B) A pair of very brief canary-yellow shorts that I bought in 1969. They still fit, and I am told they look very good on me - especially when I wear the knee socks with the orange trim.
(C) A pair of genuine L.L. Bean walking shorts, minus this funny cloth belt that used to hold them up. They may not sound like much, but they have added a refreshing uncertainty to my life by unexpectedly falling off what is left of my body.
I hope the rest of you will now take a good look at your wardrobes and step forth confidently into the new seasons.
I think somebody with a name like Jacques LeBeau once said a man's clothes illuminate his personality and should be dry-cleaned regularly. Or words to that effect.
If you're interested, I'll give you a good price on those stone-washed denim shorts, if you've got the legs for them.
by CNB