
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: SATURDAY, May 5, 1990                   TAG: 9005070324
SECTION: EDITORIAL                    PAGE: A-9   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: MONTY S. LEITCH
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

GIGGLES ON STAGE/ AFTER CLASS PLAY, LIFE GOES ON

I HAD THE female lead in Lord Botetourt High School's 1968 junior-class play. At least, that's the way I remember it. I can find no mention of the play in that year's official document: the 1968 "Shield." But on the page where the Debate Society is pictured, a classmate mentions the play in his hand-written message to me.

Well, he could hardly say nothing. After all, he was my husband.

It wasn't a match made in heaven.

James played Patokah Lindsay and I played his wife, Maria. I was cast in the role because I stood nearly a half-foot taller than James, outweighed him a good 50 pounds, and could screech in a nagging hillbilly voice you hear all the way to the gym. These are not reasons for which I'd want to be cast in a play again, but in high school you take what you get.

The play itself was totally forgettable, relying on scurrilous stereotypes that no high-school drama coach in her right mind would stoop to these days. At least, not around these parts. It's not surprising that I've forgotten the plot of a play like that, but I'm embarrassed to say that I can't remember which other of my classmates were in the cast, either. Certainly there were "romantic leads" - clearly not me and James - and probably some gun-totin', moonshinin' cousins and uncles; it was that kind of play. I can speculate about who from our class might have played these roles, but such guesses would not do credit to now-grown and respected adults.

But I'm quite certain that I had the first line of the play - "Patokah Lindsay!" squalled at the top of my lungs. And I'm certain of one scene James ad-libbed - an event he claimed at our reunion last summer not to remember himself.

Well, more than halfway through the play, "Patokah" rustled a paper bag on stage - it supposedly held his lunch - and turned his back to me. When he turned back, in the middle of some nagging speech with which I was railing, he had the biggest kosher pickle I've ever seen stuck in his hillbilly mouth.

Now, a genuine Thespian or a comedienne of talent would have turned that to her advantage. She would have grabbed the pickle and smacked her diminutive husband over the head with the silly thing. Alas, I was neither Thespian nor comedienne. I just dissolved in giggles. I gasped in laughter, with my back to the audience and tears running down my cheeks, while ol' Patokah's innocent hillbilly eyes got bigger and bigger.

Somehow the play went on, but it wasn't with help from me.

Our senior class presented Oliver Goldsmith's "She Stoops to Conquer." I played a maid, with two lines. James had a major romantic role. Thank heavens that life goes on. And that all of it isn't like high school.

by CNB