Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SATURDAY, May 26, 1990 TAG: 9005260380
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: E4 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: FRANCES STEBBINS
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
Church youth-group leaders say it's hard to know who generates the most stress - the teens or the parents.
Betty McCrary, a staff member of the Roanoke County Department of Social Services, a licensed professional counselor and a family mediator, is the mother of two adolescent daughters.
She's also a member of Salem Baptist Church and in that role recently presented a two-hour lecture on "Teen Stress" to a group of parents and the church's minister of youth, Bill Parnell.
Her presentation was highlighted by a half-hour video detailing several days in the lives of two high school boys that included telling glimpses of their suburban parents.
The story of the casual extroverted teen and his quiet perfectionist buddy pointed up many things conscientious parents know today but often find hard to apply.
McCrary also drew on a 1989 poll conducted by TRUST'S Teen Hotline in the Roanoke Valley.
The study was based on 300 calls made to the hotline in one month last fall and was interpreted by Stuart Israel, director of the crisis center. Roanoke Valley teens called most often about troubles in relationships, including problems with parents and those involving friends of either sex.
Teens facing pregnancy made up the second-most common group of callers. Both boys fearing unplanned fatherhood and girls concerned about becoming pregnant sought help. The next three most common issues were: school problems, suicide threats and sexual abuse.
Among the symptoms of the increased pressures teens face these days are more heart problems and suicide now ranking just behind accidents as the leading cause of death in the 12 to 20 age group, McCrary said.
For parents fearful that their teen-age children will make mistakes that will haunt them the rest of their lives, McCrary advised concentrating on helping them build self-respect even when this means reducing expectations for college or another seemingly worthy goal.
Parents must permit children to take responsibility and learn from their actions and accept some mistakes. Parents also need to ask young people for advice and opinions, and show that they appreciate it when teens are able to contribute.
McCrary said it was significant that encouraging belief in God is now among the values that are considered marks of healthy families. That, along with parents being humble enough to admit their own errors, permitting youth to show their feelings of sorrow and anger, encouraging teens to enjoy adult friends and "allowing each child's identity to flourish" should all aid in family development.
From a psychologist's point of view, most teen problems stem from a youth's need to establish confidence in his or herself. This confidence grows from being able to make decisions about work, human love and spiritual relationships, McCrary noted. Accumulated failures in these areas lead to stresses that cause both physical and mental illness.
\ The Rev. Dr. David Radcliff said he was a bit uneasy coming back to Camp Bethel Conference Center in Botetourt County to lead a recent peace workshop for about 20 adults.
The son of Richard and Margaret Radcliff, who are longtime active members of Blue Ridge Church of the Brethren, David Radcliff attended Botetourt schools.
In the workshop, he was working with people he'd grown up with.
After graduating from Bethany Theological Seminary near Chicago, Radcliff returned to the Roanoke area as an assistant at Williamson Road Church of the Brethren from 1980 to 1983.
He next took the Midland Church of the Brethren pastorate in Northern Virginia, but said that the rural congregation's interest in Heifer Project International led him to his work in overseas relief in Guatemala and Honduras.
Three years ago, Radcliff returned to the seminary for a doctorate and last year won a job on the church's national staff. He and his wife, Susan, a staffer on the denomination's magazine, have a son and daughter.
Radcliff, whose official title is Peace Consultant, travels widely leading educational events for his denomination.
Peace, for committed members of Western Virginia's most visible pacifist church, means more than absence of war and involvement in protests against violence. Radcliff used four role-plays in the opening session of the workshop to help frame the term.
Volunteers played the roles of a woman sexually harassed on her job, a Latin American teacher and activist abducted by terrorists, black and white men attacking each other over racial epithets; and angry demonstrators outside a hospital treating AIDS patients.
Radcliff, 37, said he had previously directed the role plays with youth groups but never with adults, especially those with whom he had grown up.
The goal of the plays was to think of ways the conflicts could be settled in a spirit of love.
Suggestions included the employee letting a supervisor know about the inappropriate - though not vicious - actions of her colleague. For the Latin American captive, it was clear that collective action would be necessary; an individual bystander risked his own death.
Calling police to racial fighting is needed, rather than foolish, intervention, participants decided. "Countering with the facts later" through dialogue was seen as a peaceful way to combat AIDS prejudice.
by CNB