Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: SATURDAY, June 2, 1990                   TAG: 9006020165
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: E-1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

STILL LOOKING FOR THAT PERFECT GIFT FOR DEAR OLD DAD?

We are not talking about ties or booze here. We are talking very big stuff.

What we have here is this book that no male parent should be without. And that goes for your female parent, too, except you already gave her candy for Mother's Day.

It's called, "Do's and Taboos of Hosting International Visitors."

It was written by a fellow named Roger Axtell and it may seem a funny choice for a gift for your dad but you never know what's going to happen these days.

For example, what do you want the old man to do when all of these Spaniards show up and he doesn't know what to feed them?

Or what about a visit from all these people from Lapland?

Or the Isle of Man?

All of this is not as far-fetched as it sounds.

The author of this book says 41 million foreigners will visit this country this year and they will spend more than $50 billion.

Some of them, according to a news release about the book, will be staying with your dad or somebody's dad.

This does not mean that your dad or somebody's dad is going to get any of that big money we mentioned up there.

No, Junior. I don't think your old dad is going to answer the door one of these days and find six French can-can dancers on the doorstep.

And even if he does, I consider it doubtful your dear old mother would invite them to be house guests.

I don't know whether this book has any information on can-can dancers - except the author said you should not feed any foreign visitors corn on the cob, because they consider it sickening.

You can be quite sure about what your daddy should do if he finds six Japanese businessmen on the doorstep.

Yes, sir. He takes these gentlemen out to dinner at a golf club. Of course, your dad may not belong to a golf club, which would certainly not be my fault.

Go on. Be cynical and say you wouldn't spend $14.95 to give your dad this book - that he'd rather have some pajamas with "Kiss Me, Fool" written all over them.

Just try to be out of town the day all of these Peruvians come calling and he boils up some fresh corn and they become nauseated and leave, saying nasty things in Peruvian.

He'll never forgive you and when this real nice family from Bucharest drops by, you're out of the will.