Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SATURDAY, June 2, 1990 TAG: 9006020349
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: E-3 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: FRANCES STEBBINS
DATELINE: NACE LENGTH: Long
They were still getting a divorce, of course. As a professional mediator she had not tried to talk them out of the decision they had made. But they parted as friends, not enemies, because both had had a say in their futures.
The future hadn't been decided by lawyers intent on protecting the rights of a client, even though Whittaker told a clergy group recently that she respects lawyers.
It's just that human relations involved in family disputes don't often benefit from the adversarial thrusts of lawyers' swords, she said. Peaceful resolution is preferable.
The interfaith Roanoke Valley Ministers Conference, which was rounding out its meeting year at Camp Bethel Conference Center, applauded Whittaker's two-hour lecture on mediation because they often hear the pain of family disputes.
When a proposed Conflict Resolution Center is established in the Roanoke area this fall by a 23-member board, it's likely that custody cases will be among the most frequently mediated, said Jo Eggers, a spokesman for the board.
A survey of about 30 religion professionals at Camp Bethel indicated that other pressing concerns are cross-generational conflicts - "Why haven't you done something about mother's poor treatment in the nursing home?" - and the inability of pastors to work in harmony with their congregations.
Whittaker, who teaches at Radford University and runs a private mediation service in Southwest Roanoke, told the members of the ministers conference, "Mediation is a non-adversarial way to help people stay out of the courts."
Having parties to a dispute sit down with a professional mediator to iron out differences cannot replace a lawyer for approval of the final agreement, she emphasized. An attorney's fee may still be as much as $2,000, in addition to approximately $1,000 for the mediation process, Whittaker estimated.
Whittaker, a Baptist who studied at a theological seminary, said she is careful to follow the ethics of mediators and to give no advice on such touchy subjects as religion.
"Mediation does not take sides. Its goal is to empower people by helping them to see themselves," she said.
When parties to a dispute agree to enter into contract with a private mediator like Whittaker or with a non-profit center like that planned for the Roanoke area, they typically follow a five-step process.
Many details are spelled out in the first, or commitment, step. The cost, times of meeting, whether adolescent children are to be involved, "hidden agendas" previously concealed, and being sure both parties really are open to the process all must be clarified.
Though Whittaker charges $65 per hour, the Conflict Resolution Center Inc., will charge from $10 to $80 hourly, depending on the client's income, Eggers said.
From the initial contract, mediator and clients move on to defining the problem, negotiating all details, agreement and the approval of the contract by an attorney. Whittaker said judges generally have looked favorably on mediated agreements.
The proposed center, patterned after those in Harrisonburg, Richmond and other cities, has several lawyers on its board, as well as social service workers. Start-up donations, Eggers said, have come from the Roanoke law firm of Woods Rogers & Hazlegrove, as well as from a community development grant from Roanoke.
Mediation has the potential of cutting legal fees, but Whittaker said many lawyers favor the process because it saves them time for more challenging cases.
The mediation center's board currently is seeking a place to receive clients. Eggers said it expects to have an office by mid-summer. Dorry McCorkle, a lawyer, is the new board chairman.
Mediation also has its place in the frequent disputes that arise between pastors and congregations, according to the Rev. Clyde Carter, a Church of the Brethren minister and also a member of the board of the proposed mediation center.
Carter, a Botetourt County pastoral counselor and peace advocate, also has served as a magistrate. Though not trained professionally in formal mediation, Carter said more than 20 years in ministry has shown him the need for peaceful resolutions.
Church people usually settle questions by a vote - even at times allowing for a minority view - but this often leaves members unsatisfied on moral issues, Carter said.
He prefers consensus, perhaps arrived at by some type of negotiation. Many denominations, he noted, now provide for appeal to a higher authority even when congregationally governed. Prayer and "time for the Spirit to move" always have been appropriate at such times, Carter said.
In church conflicts, as in other disputes, it is most important to find and to report facts rather than interpretations. Carter related incidents from an earlier pastorate to show that loving confrontation is sometimes needed and healing.
But the way to do this is an art some clergy never learn, he said. They seek power over members rather than affirmation of the worth of another person. Carter agreed with Whittaker that respect for both parties is essential in a mediator, and this respect carries over into the way disputants feel after a successful process.
Carter's afternoon workshop included role plays in which volunteers "negotiated" the future of a pastor with whom some church board members were dissatisfied. It ended with the mythical minister offering to visit homes three nights weekly. Some wry laughs indicated that no mediation could make that an attainable goal for busy urban pastors.
by CNB