
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: TUESDAY, June 26, 1990                   TAG: 9006260024
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: E-1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

I'LL BE HANGING ON TO THAT $3.25 MILLION FOR A WHILE

I learned from the Los Angeles Times that Dick and Pat Nixon are selling their house in Saddle River, N.J., and it got me to thinking.

Get this straight now. The $3.25 million they want for it is not an issue here.

I mean, it's like somebody once said: If you have to ask the price of something, you can't afford it.

Do you honestly think I've spent all this time in this business and can't afford a $3.25-million house? Really.

I made the following notes:

(1) Move would entail living in New Jersey, which should not be so difficult because my roommate in college was from Westwood, N.J., and I learned to speak New Jerseyish from him.

Still, a troublesome habit of saying "you all" when addressing two or more people might keep us out of the country club.

(2) The house has 15 rooms. The master bedroom has two baths and two dressing rooms - which is somewhat better than what we now have on Happy Highfields Road.

For example, am sure that Dick and Pat would not endure a bathroom in which the sink and commode are sickly green and the tub is white.

We do not have enough clothes between us to get the full use out of two dressing rooms, however. Change one of the dressing rooms into a darkroom? Or an upstairs bar? Or use it when you feel like saying a few expletives that need deleting?

This is sick, I know, but I can't help wondering if there is a framed cross-stitch in each bathroom with the legend: "I Am Not A Crook."

(3) Should ask real estate agent if there are any pictures of Abraham Lincoln you can talk to when you get to feeling low - like when you have to get up the mortgage payment each month - and see if they go with the house.

(4) Four acres of land is a bit much, even with the new lawnmower.

Add that to the swimming pool upkeep and we may find serious maintenance worries here - which could be blunted somewhat by visiting the medieval-style wine room with space for 1,000 bottles and for eating, if you really want to eat in there.

The notes stopped. I thought about my 1978 Cherokee and people saying, "Well, there goes the neighborhood."

I decided the place is not for us. I'll just hang on to that $3.25 million for a while.

That wasn't an easy decision.

The minute I heard about Dick and Patselling, I started thinking about going to the office one day and saying:

"Well, you won't have Bennie Beagle to kick around anymore."

by CNB