Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: FRIDAY, July 13, 1990 TAG: 9007130044
SECTION: VIRGINIA PAGE: A3 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Ed Shamy
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
"You sir are a scoundrel. A cad that will not admit the true value of that delicate and dainty creature, the goat.
"To put this in perspective you might contemplate the value of the hair from your underbelly."
E.M., Roanoke. (He enclosed an article from Forbes Magazine about $1,600 cashmere sweaters: " . . . soft hair combed by nomadic tribesmen each spring from the underbellies of cashmere goats in Inner Mongolia.")
Dear E.M.,
You knave. The soft hide of the chamois (pronounced Shamy) - the small antelope of the Caucasus - when ripped from the beast's bones makes a wonderful carwash rag. Have you priced one lately?
\ "Dear Ed,
"Here's an observation of one of my friends who comes to Roanoke occasionally.
"He was telling me about having been here a week or so on his first visit when he heard people talking about Pete Savada. `We're going to Pete Savada this weekend,' he overheard, thinking what a nice Italian restaurant this must be. Hearing more of our folks talk about Pete Savada, he imagined what an important and well-thought-of citizen this Savada must be.
"Of course, not yet having been to the Peaks, he didn't realize how really popular Pete Savada is around here."
D.F., Roanoke.
Dear D.F.,
Quick, somebody chisel that into stone and build a park around it. It's a classic.
\ "Dear Ed,
"If you had even attempted to beat the `mesquite' out of any cowboy, you'd never have lived to write your article. . . . Did you know, if you were to flip the state of Texas to the left, it would reach the Pacific and to the right the Atlantic. Turn it toward the South it would touch Central America and Canada to the north! Of how many states can you say the same?"
U.S., Meadows of Dan (A transplanted Dallasite and damn well proud of it!).
Dear U.S.,
This isn't Texas, and we're damn well proud of THAT! Around these parts, reaching the Atlantic and the Pacific by flipping to the right isn't considered much of a virtue. Spare us the Lone Star aerobics. All this flipping and turning is making the armadillos nauseous. P.S. - Sorry about your phone book, but you didn't need to cut out the map for me.
\ "Hi Ed: A few of us got together and tried to figure out how the judges you picked chose some of the license plates you put in the paper. I thought the reason was to get rid of the dull one we had . . . We won't have to go to the mall to know you screwed up."
L.M.H. and the Radford judges of the license plate contest.
Dear Radfordotes,
Far be it from me to question your credentials. After all, you've seen only 14 of the 172 license plates submitted, so you're certainly qualified to slander the judges for their selections. I'll deal with you in private. The rest of you excuse us while I do away with this pseudo-crustacean in a fire-breathing letter.
by CNB