
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, March 11, 1991                   TAG: 9103110296
SECTION: EDITORIAL                    PAGE: A/8   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: 
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

IT'S EASY TO BE A SLUMLORD IN ROANOKE

SOME OF THE rental property in Roanoke city makes me glad that I own and live in my own home. It also makes me wonder why we don't have more stringent or enforced laws to protect renters.

If you want to be a slumlord in this city, buy up one or more old, dilapidated houses and divide these antiquities into several apartments. Don't worry about their being firetraps. If they go up in smoke, insurance will cover the loss.

Since only one exit is required, it won't take much money or effort to require an escape route. A good blaze will preclude any escape from these well-seasoned, often rotten houses anyhow.

Don't bother about weatherproofing. Two or three inches of gap around windows won't matter. The government often is paying the heating bill, and in summer, well, it's almost as good as air conditioning. Also, you don't need to bother about installing storm doors or screen doors; these are non-essentials.

When the plumbing goes bad, try to avoid having it repaired. You can get by with making promises for a few months. Then you can refuse to answer the phone or even change your number.

Should the tenant threaten to complain to officials, remember you still have the upper hand. A good stern warning that you will put them and their furniture out on the street will often still their complaints.

To be a successful slumlord, of course, you must develop a lack of compassion for human needs and human comfort. And if you plan just right, you can get more income from your cobweb antiquities than from a fine mansion elsewhere in the city.

PHYLLIS BLANKENSHIP

ROANOKE

by CNB