Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: WEDNESDAY, January 1, 1992 TAG: 9201010042
SECTION: VIRGINIA PAGE: B-1 EDITION: HOLIDAY
SOURCE: Ed Shamy
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
RING OUT OLD; RING IN NEW: PIZ RINCUS
Piz rincus to you.
At the end of each year, we've come to count on Cox Cable Roanoke to
deliver a heart-warming, year-end message to subscribers.
Last year, our bills had this seasonal cheer: "May your holidays be filled
with good times, good cheer and may the new year bring you every happiness.
All delinquent accounts are subject to a $5 late fee."
We began 1991 on the right foot.
This year, Cox warmed to the holidays with a slightly different approach on
its November bill: "You can count on us for quality customer service. To avoid
a $5 late fee, please keep your account current."
Each day since then we've rushed to the mailbox in eager anticipation of
the December bill. What would those zany elves at Cox Cable come up with?
It came a few weeks ago.
There was a long-winded pitch for the wonders of the Disney Empire's
channel and the cryptic greeting: Piz rincus.
This was not just on my bill. It was on every single bill, on the half that
is supposed to be returned with payment.
Piz rincus?
Is this a word scramble, a Junior Jumble for the holiday?
Zip sucrin? Zpi snicru?
Piz rincus? Does it have something to do with Finn Pincus? He chairs the
Roanoke Board of Education.
Piz rincus, Finn Pincus.
"They're almost using my name," says Pincus. "I almost ought to get a
royalty."
He doesn't.
Could this be more? Is it a message from some distant galaxy, beamed to our
planet and printed on the best-read, most closely scrutinized piece of monthly
mail - the cable television bill?
Have brilliant aliens figured us out? Do they know that gasoline, property
taxes, income taxes, heating oil, food prices and electric rates can rise
steadily without so much as a whimper from the masses, but that a rate
increase from the cable television monopoly is enough to send the rabble into
a frenzy?
Do they know that? Is piz rincus a call to arms?
Or could piz rincus have a mocking tone to it? Could it be a befuddling,
belittling phrase? Could it be commentary on the viewing public, disgruntled
with the mere 31 or so channels now available and hankering for 1994, when Cox
will have the capacity to give us 64 channels of television viewing?
Piz rincus. It's a mantra, droned over and over again by viewers whose
cerebellums have been laser-fried by half-hour sitcoms and television news.
Piz rincus.
Cox Cable's bills, even those sent to V zombettes in Roanoke, are prepared
at Cox headquarters in Atlanta.
Atlanta piz rincused our bills.
And there is an explanation.
Piz. That's the pizza coupons that Cox Cable subscribers received, stuffed
into their bill.
Rin. That's computerese for "rate increase notification." Rates are going
up. This month's bill officially informed us of the hike.
Cus. A customer newsletter also was included.
Put them together, this motley bunch of inserts.
Piz. Rin. Cus.
The shorthand is piz rincus.
Say it a few times. Slowly. Cross your legs. Close your eyes. Chant it.
Feels pretty good, no?