Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: TUESDAY, February 11, 1992 TAG: 9202110104
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 6 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE:
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
HAVING FRIENDS WHO CARE CAN BE A HEALTHY SIGN
Friendships, immortalized in literature, song and aphorism, are increasingly being recognized as vital to health as well as happiness.In study after study, medical researchers have found that people who have friends they can turn to for affirmation, empathy, advice and assistance as well as for affection are more likely to survive health challenges like heart attacks and major surgery and are less likely to develop diseases like cancer and respiratory infections.
For example, in a study of 1,368 heart patients published last month in The Journal of the American Medical Association, researchers from Duke University Medical Center found that those who lacked a spouse or confidant were three times as likely to die within five years of diagnosis as were the patients who were married or had a close friend.
The researchers concluded: "A support group may be as effective as costly medical treatment. Simply put, having someone to talk to is very powerful medicine."
An earlier study in Alameda County, Calif., that tracked thousands of people over a nine-year period showed that those with many social ties, like a spouse and friends, had significantly lower death rates. Women in the study who lacked social support were more likely to get cancer, and men in the study who developed cancer died sooner if they were socially isolated.
And at the University of Nebraska School of Medicine, a study involving 256 healthy elderly people found that those with confiding relationships had better immune function and lower levels of cholesterol and uric acid in their blood.
In commenting on the various studies, Dr. Blair Justice, a psychologist at the University of Texas School of Public Health in Houston, and author of "Who Gets Sick" (Jeremy Tarcher, 1988, $17.95), observed that "having frank and confiding relationships may be a critical element in whether social support protects our health."
"It may be more important to have at least one person with whom we can share open and honest thoughts and feelings than it is to have a whole network of more superficial relationships," he added.
As Justice summarizes the many findings, strong social support seems to reduce the damaging effects of stress in people's lives.
Yet in the complex and highly mobile existence characteristic of many modern American lives, good friends are ever harder to make and even harder to keep. In two-career families with children, there is often little time and energy left for the adults to pursue or maintain close friendships.
For those climbing occupational ladders or holding two or more jobs to make ends meet, establishing and maintaining friendships often takes a back seat. For others, job changes or promotions often necessitate moving to new places, forcing friendships to subsist on long-distance phone calls and letters with only occasional visits to recapture former closeness.
But friendship can also be a drag, taking on pathological elements that are emotionally and sometimes physically draining. It may be wisest to terminate a friendship when friends become overly clinging or dependent on you for emotionalwell-being. Also draining are the friends who seem to get themselves into a never-ending series of crises from that you feel you must rescue them. For friendships to be fulfilling, they should make you feel better, not worse.
Friends can fill a variety of roles, and no one friend should be expected to satisfy them all. They can join you in pursuing pleasurable recreational activities, they can provide intellectual stimulation and they can enhance the joys of personal celebrations.
But more important from a health standpoint, friends can provide emotional support through their caring and respect and by how much they value their association with you. Friends can help to reaffirm your self-worth when circumstances, like the loss of a job or end of a marriage, challenge your sense of competence and self-esteem.
Friends can help you solve problems by being a less passionate sounding board, by helping you appraise the situation realistically and offering concrete advice, even if they have never faced a similar problem.
When death or other catastrophe strikes, friends are not afraid to "intrude" upon the grief of friends, do not belittle their pain by comparing it with some other tragedy, spend time with them even when they are not very good company, listen to repeated outpourings of grief and pain and recognize that healing takes time.
Establishing close friendships involves taking some emotional risks. You must be willing to drop the reserve you feel among acquaintances and be revealing about deeper feelings, concerns and beliefs.
Accept the fact that friends may have some characteristics you do not enjoy and try to accommodate them or laugh them off. For example, a friend who is chronically and annoyingly late might be told to arrive earlier than you really intend to be there yourself.