Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SATURDAY, February 15, 1992 TAG: 9202150314
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: E-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
ARE WE REALLY READY FOR SEX IN SPACE?
I wish The New York Times hadn't brought it up, but now that it has we might as well face it.What we're talking about here is sex in space, as in a trip to Mars, and it's clear we've come a long way from the time John Glenn almost lost his heat shield.
The Times said people are openly asking questions about sex in space - or "celestial intimacy," as the writer put it.
The newspaper quoted a psychobiologist at Harvard Medical School, of all places, who said sex in space is going to be very important.
I don't like to offend anybody, but this guy recommended ground tests.
Ground tests? Hey, pal. Your guess here is as good as mine.
The Times quoted a psychiatrist who said: "Sex is a normal part of human behavior. It happens in offices. It happens in the Antarctic. It happens wherever you have males and females together."
Some of you may want to be excused before we find the psychiatrist also said sex in space will be enjoyable because, "You're going to have a lot of freedom of movement."
Whew! Boy, am I blushing or what?
The idea of fooling around in space had never occurred to me - but that is not surprising because I still live largely in 1941.
I thought about Flash Gordon. He did have this girlfriend, Dale Arden, and she did dress a little racy, but she would have slapped Flash out of orbit if he had suggested any hanky panky.
Sure, Ming the Merciless of the Plant Mongo used to leer at her a lot, but he should have lived so long.
Years later, Capt. James T. Kirk encountered green Orion slavegirls and all kind of other chickie babies - most of them with cleavage - but we never saw him misbehaving.
(I had a bad feeling when I decided to write about something as risque as sex in space. I was right.
(Right after I wrote the word "cleavage," a young woman who was dressed kind of racy came up to my desk carrying a phony bow and arrow.
(She gave me a green heart that glows, a balloon, candy, sang a song in which she rhymed "finah" and "valentinah," gave me a kiss on the cheek and left.)
Now, where were we? Oh, yes. Sex in the office, er, um, ah, space.
I guess you'll just have to form your own opinions on "celestial intimacy." I got too embarrassed to go on after the young woman mentioned above came in.
I had other things to do - like getting rid of this red and white banner she had pinned across my torso.
Man my age can't go around wearing something that says: "Shot by Cupid's Arrow" and not expect to get arrested.