Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SATURDAY, February 22, 1992 TAG: 9202250258
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: E-1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE:
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
SHOULD ED RUN?
Ed for Congress?It has a nice ring to it, a certain appeal to the working clods and cloddesses who know deep down that I am a clod extraordinaire.
A couple of months ago, I asked you - my closest advisers - whether I should run for Jim Olin's congressional seat. Jim's hanging it up.
I vowed a campaign, and a term, based on candor. I vowed to take the commoner's concerns to the U.S. House of Representatives.
You registered your opinions: 87 urging me to run; 20 exhorting me to get out of their faces.
Here, in the spirit of The New Candor, are as many of your comments as I can squeeze onto the page.
The Ed for Congress juggernaut will roll on until I figure out what to do with it. Stay tuned.
YES\ \ COMPLIMENTARY:
\ I love your wit and style. Go for it.
\ We need your sense of humor in D.C.
\ You cannot do worse, and your comments make a good future to look for. I am serious. I am a voter. I am disgusted with words without works.\ \ Anyone who bites like you I want to represent me.\ \ Help rid those snobs who are too ignorant to recognize humor and can't laugh at themselves, especially here in backwoods Narrows. How dumb can they get? We need new blood like you.\ \ You're a good kind of a--hole. You're one of us, but tougher. You care about injustice. I'd vote for you in a heartbeat.
\ I think you're cute (sorry I can't think of a more compelling reason).
\ A reporter in Congress can't be any worse than an actor in the White House.
\ You tell it like is, pull no punches, accept no bull.
\ NOT SO COMPLIMENTARY:\ \ You could show them how to repair their hot air system.
\ You don't seem smart enough to be corrupt.
\ You would tell it like it is in Washington without all the hanky panky on the side.
\ You are full of bull, so you would fit in great in Congress.
\ Please run as a Democrat. I am a Republican.
\ POLITICAL COMMENTARY:\ \ I'm sick of those blue-suited, bureacratic bozos on Capitol Hill.
\ I'm so tired of voting for the lesser of 2 lessors? Or is that lessers?
\ So more young people will vote. My youngest is 30 and has never voted.\ \ There are too many lawyers in politics already.
\ You seem honest and down to earth and I simply don't trust career politicians.
\ You pass the litmus test of my own as-yet unregisterd Political Action\ Committee - ABAL (Anybody But A Lawyer).
\ At least you think. Some just stink.
\ The only goals I see congressmen having are: voting pay raises in the middle of the night, ensuring incumbency and exiting Congress as a millionaire. You are just as competent as the majority now setting in the hallowed halls.
\ Every congressman and senator now in office should be replaced. I am angry. Mad. Also, the president.
\ It's time we had a common man in government. The elite bunch that is there certainly doesn't care about us.
\ Who needs another rich old guy in Congress?
\ We need a few truths, instead of lies and rapists that have bought their way into Congress for too long.
\ Why not run for president? We haven't had one that was worth a damn since JFK!
\ For our sake, don't become part of the present establishment.
\ GET OUTTA HERE
\ Good grief. This may be our last chance to get Ed out of town.
\ Go away - as a contribution to responsible use of newsprint.
\ CAN I THINK ABOUT THIS ONE FOR A MINUTE?
\ The free press needs to have one of its own in Congress. You will really appreciate their loyalty.
\ You look like you could use a bottle of wine and a massage from a beautiful blonde.
\ Your ears stick out from your head, giving you just the right political charm.
\ With your heavy mustache, voters could not tell when you are lying through your teeth.
\ Worst case scenario is you couldn't do any worse.
\ As a freshman congressman, you would not be expected to have the intelligence of, say, a Jesse Helms, so you may actually be qualified.
\ When you run for president, I will be your vice president. Call 362-9547.
\ People who don't change are 99 3/4 percent of what they ever will be.
\ CALL IF YOU'RE EVER BACK TO THIS PLANET
\ We former Yankees need representation in Richmond. You have my vote.
\ I think you would make a fine senator.
\ You are just as nutty as I am. You might get something done.
\ You can't be no worse than nobody else.
\ THIS IS ABOUT JOBS. I WANT YOURS.
\ I like the way you think, and would offer to take over your column when you journey to the Hill for the good of the little guy.
\ I'd like your job as a writer for the paper.
\ No!\ \ Don't run, because:
\ DOWNRIGHT MEAN-SPIRITED:
\ Your articles suck s---. Go back up north where you might be understood besides displaced Yankee a-------. P.S., You're pretty funny in person, why don't you take an English expression class at Virginia Western if you stay?
\ You are a ----headed Yankee Jew.
\ We already have too many damn Yankees who are trying to run our schools, our government, and our lives.
\ We don't need more of your smart mouth in Congress - go back North and blow it out.
\ You are a damn Yankee and a dummy.
\ For the same reason folks don't send mules to school: There are enough dumb a---s their already! If you've enough b---s to print this, I'll have enough to I.D. myself.
\ The only thing we want you to run for is the next bus, train or plane out of town. And Godspeed.
\ You would fit in too well with the bums already there.
\ If you were to leave town it would be just the luck of the Roanoke Valley reading public for the Roanoke Times to hire someone with worse taste than yours.
\ JUST SAY NO:
\ Politicians and diapers should be changed regularly, but Shamy on you for considering to run. No way, Eddie.
\ As my mother (died, 1978) used to say, `Mercy, what's the world coming to?"
\ It wouldn't be long before you'd be just like the rest of them in Congress.
\ Your motives are honorable, but you, like the rest, would not represent the whole area.
\ GEE, THANKS:
\ It would destroy a strong voice in the wilderness, not to mention ruin your life.
\ Your sense of humor as a columnist is needed by your fans, not by Congress. They are already a three-ring circus.
\ The Roanoke Valley cannot afford to lose a good writer - at any cost.
\ VAGUELY THREATENING:
\ Because you will be unemployed, before and after election.
\ ABSOLUTELY CONFUSED:
\ Anyone who doesn't know that the average roll of toilet paper is 4 1/2 inches wide is not to be trusted in higher office, particularly Congress. Dave Barry you are not.