Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: SATURDAY, March 13, 1993 TAG: 9303130051
SECTION: CURRENT PAGE: NRV1 EDITION: NEW RIVER VALLEY
SOURCE: LURA ASTOR SPECIAL
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
MORE THAN JUST A JOB
BRENDA Byrd Davis and her husband, Mark, could receive an emergency phone call tonight that would mean they will shelter a child in their home.As the new foster parents for Shelter Home Inc., responding to that emergency call is their job. Their goal, though, is to give a lasting gift of love.
Since 1971, Shelter Home has taken care of Montgomery County children from newborn to age 18.
The youngsters may come to the home because their parents get in trouble with the law, or die in a fire or in a car crash.
More commonly, though, the children are in an unsafe environment, witnessing spousal abuse or being the victims of violence themselves. Or perhaps their parents or guardians can't provide adequate shelter, clothing, food and nurturing.
The Shelter Home was an opportunity that helped Brenda Byrd return to her native Blacksburg as Mrs. Davis in October, when she and her husband took the job of caring for these youngsters.
Here's how one 9-year-old boy feels in the home provided by Shelter Home:
"Comfortable," he said. "Foster homes are for children who can't be taken care of. I was warm in my other home. This is different. I get my needs taken care of. You get food, clothes . . . stuff."
The Davises say they also hope to teach and show values and respect. They take the kids to practice sports, go to the PTA meetings, help with the homework and are there for them over and over again, day and night.
The Davises may find themselves working with children who have behavioral problems, who may not have eaten properly for a long time. Some of the children have severe nightmares and are accustomed to being manipulative to get what they need and to protect themselves the only way they know how.
Through it all, Mark Davis said, kids are kids. The Davises love and laugh with them, and other times the youngsters know "just which buttons to push."
There are skills necessary to dealing with children who have had adults in and out of their lives without consistency and who have experienced aspects of life many adults never will.
Brenda Davis has taught early and middle education.
"This is much better," she said. "It's like teaching with homework and fun . . . not just being the disciplinarian."
And unlike having 25 children in a classroom all at once, she sees the possibility of making a lasting impact in caring for two boys.
"Instead of just teaching `what is a noun?' I can teach life lessons, how to love, how to trust, [how] you need to tell the truth, don't steal." she said. "We know not to expect they will say, `Thank you for caring for me' to us."
It's more like " `You made me do homework,' " her husband said, laughing.
"Unconditional love is important," Brenda Davis continued. "You can't expect them to love and trust you right away, but you must love them no matter what, and show them consistency."
Mark Davis agreed. "The tough part is to have the capacity to be objective when the temptation is to be subjective," he said. "You have to step out of the picture and perform your role as a foster parent and meet the needs of the child, not act as if they are a reflection of you."
He has taught at Beaumont Juvenile Detention Center, now called the Beaumont Learning Center, as well as at camps for inner-city kids. He recently was a youth minister on the Eastern Shore.
"Oh, they love Mark," Brenda Davis said. "Many of the children never had a father in their lives."
With time, care and proper counseling, the Davises hope these children may be able to open up more easily to adults, but this usually presents a challenge.
A child's stay in a foster home is meant to be temporary. Emergency placements may last no longer than 10 days.
Within six months of being placed in foster care, the children often will be returned home or, if that is unsuitable, they will be put up for adoption.
As foster parents in this shelter, the Davises have a choice to decline any child they think would be unhealthy to the existing balance in their home at any given time.
Their home can shelter up to seven children.
Shelter Home opened in Blacksburg in October 1971 to provide temporary foster care to children in need.
The average length of time a couple will run a shelter home is one to two years. Many times one spouse will complete a master's degree while working at the foster home.
Burnout also is a problem in dealing with the immense energy of children who may have learning disabilities or may be super-smart. All have behavioral problems.
The voluntary board with Shelter Home is concerned with the welfare of the foster parents. It recommends the couple go out on a date once a week and get away overnight one weekend or at least one night a month.
This advice, smart for any couple, is particularly relevant to foster parents.
"We are a great source of support for each other," Mark Davis said. "Brenda and I talk about the various problems . . . the once-a-week date is very important to us, to socialize and, like any parents, to have time together away from the kids."
One of the founders who is still active on the Shelter Home's voluntary board is Larry Taylor, a college professor.
"I've been waiting 21 years to go out of business," said Taylor, who remembers when children with problems were identified as "problem children."
"We work with private, community initiative without accepting government funds, no paid board and without tax money," Taylor said. "We jealously guard this."
About 30 children a year pass through Shelter Home. There have been more than 600 of them in its 21 years.
There are about four children in the home at one time. The rules are learned as each foster couple meets the individual needs of each child, Taylor said.
Taylor says there's a need for a second facility to specialize in the problems that teens face. The attention teen-agers need is different from that of pre-teens. Foster-care problems for teens are compounded because most foster parents don't want a teen with problems.
Meanwhile, the Davises continue the community spirit that founded the home they work in. Brenda Davis capsuled it: "The idea is that these kids can do something great, or not so great, and they will still be loved . . . and that love exists in a belief beyond just the foster parents."
For further information call Mary Critzer at Montgomery County Department of Social Services Foster Care, 382-6990.