MOST MAUDLIN OF DAYS BADLY NEEDS A SPICY RIOT

                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: SATURDAY, February 13, 1993                   TAG: 9302130065
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium
MOST MAUDLIN OF DAYS BADLY NEEDS A SPICY RIOT
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day, and there is nothing we can do about it.
This is a day that takes advantage of America's desperate need for a holiday of some kind after almost two months of deprivation.
Sometimes, the Super Bowl will ease this longing for the really big holidays that are gone. But this year's version was hardly worth making the chili and icing the Mexican beer.
The celebration in Dallas earlier this month was more interesting, if you like street fighting.
As far as I know Valentine's Day isn't one of those of the potent holidays that give you a day off from work - unless you use sick leave or just goof off.
It's on Sunday this year, so people who keep this holiday will have extra time to be nauseatingly sweet to each other.
Washington's Birthday is Monday, and some people will get the day off, but people tend to use George's memory to push cars, heavy appliances and industrial-strength cherry pies.
This guy St. Valentine gets more attention than the father of our country. Is that right? Think about it. Anybody ever send you a happy George Washington's birthday card?
And Lincoln's birthday went by Friday without a ripple.
I think it's sickening, and I hope Hillary Clinton looks into it. (I apologize to the White House. I can never remember that middle name she wants everybody to use.)
Sure, the Valentine lobby - made up of the cards, candy and underwear people - is strong. But the Clinton administration took on the old people of this country, didn't it? At least, it did for a while.
Anyway, we can say that this is the last real holiday until Memorial Day, except for St. Patrick's Day - which doesn't normally make members of the opposite sex gush all over each other and send maudlin cards with verses my dog Millie could have written.
Like:
If a kiss from you I borrow,
Will you love me past tomorrow?
And will you put my heart at ease,
And promise to be my best main squeeze?
There is, of course, my birthday in April, but nobody seems to care.
That is, I haven't noticed any of you rioting in the streets in celebration.
And I never get any money in the mail, which I'd put in the bank for my old age, which is now.
I'd use any money you send for new rear tires for the Cherokee. I'm not the type to spend it on booze or women, you know.
I'm not, on the other hand, the least bit interested in getting any of that kinky underwear people give each other on Valentine's Day.

by Archana Subramaniam by CNB