Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: THURSDAY, October 7, 1993 TAG: 9310060017
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: Beth Macy
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
We are the men in blue and not all of us are "trigger happy, badge heavy and 24-hour cops." Some of us put in our nine-hour days and shed all aspects of the blue suit after 4 p.m. We don't like going to bars or even to the malls because we are always running into people we have arrested. . . .
Maybe your friend should branch out in new directions to include "blue-collar" workers [at her singles parties]. Myself and most of my coworkers have college backgrounds, if that is "a must," and even though we are professionals, we are probably classified as "blue collar" or at least somewhere between "blue and white."
- R.M., Vinton
Dear R.M.:
You are exactly right. I myself have always thought that Navy blue was a bit too dark and rigid-looking. And that material! I once brushed up next to a police officer and was amazed by the polyester stiffness of his uniform. When he walked, he made the EXACT SAME NOISE that overweight women wearing pantyhose do when they walk - which has got to be a disadvantage when you're running after a criminal.
The material reminds me of the decades-old marching band uniforms we used to wear in high school, which could chaffe the heck out of your thighs if you weren't careful. No wonder you have a hard time getting dates, officer.
As for the white-collar gala put on a few weeks ago by and for area professionals, you aren't the only one I've heard snobbery complaints from. A friend of mine who went to the party wore a pin that said "AMATEUR," but she said no one at the party got the joke. So you probably should feel good about not being invited.
But back to your uniform problem: May I suggest a lighter color, something along the lines of, say, a teal?
Dear Foodaholic:
I was riding down Apperson Drive in Salem last week when my nose detected the distinct waft of potato cakes and cheeseburgers. Then I noticed a little diner with a sign that said, "Ernie's Grill." What's the deal? Is this the same Ernie that retired two years ago from Ernie's on the Roanoke City Market? - S.H., Roanoke.
Dear S.H.:
One in the same. And thanks for asking. Although my Salem source on books, food, movies and golf (read: Chris Gladden) told me a few weeks ago that "the real Ernie" was back in business, your question finally prompted some tough investigative reporting. The facts:
The "Ernie's Special" is maybe even better than it used to be - with the clever addition of fresh red peppers instead of canned.
Ernie Arthur, now 67, is still referring to his homemade chili as "chili beans," and its spicyness still makes your nose run - but not too much.
Ernie Arthur retired two years ago, and then had a bout with colon cancer and a stroke. He opened up shop to get healthy again. And judging from his smile - still as wide as a foot-long coney - the cooking seems to be serving him well.
Dear $%!:
I am a Southerner and ever so proud to be from a part of the country where good manners were taught to never be left by the wayside in order to get something in print. Obviously you have never had the advantage of this knowledge.
And apparently your instructions in table manners have also suffered [referring to my last advice column, in which I conceded to spitting up a small portion of a Taco Bell Chilito in a weak moment]. A nice lady would never spit her food in a restaurant. Never!. . .
And from my experience with Yankees, first off, they wouldn't even look over at the people at the next table in a restaurant, much less speak. And the last time I heard of one taking the time to smile, he was burning Atlanta.
Remember Ms. Macy, you're in our neighborhood now. If you can't keep up and if you want to be impolite, spit food, leave dirty laundry all over your home and never see a smile, just get your little self on back up 81.
-P.H., Roanoke.
Dear Ma'am:
I'm sorry my sense of humor (or lack of one) offended you.
As for my manners, my mom always told me if you didn't have anything nice to say, don't say it. Therefore:
You have impeccable penmanship. I especially like the way you cross all your T's with a diagonal stroke. Very classy.
Dear Cultural Arbiter of the Neon-Star Empire:
I read your story in yesterday's paper about the new "Hooters of Virginia, Inc." My girlfriends and I want to know if there's a similar place for women to go where scantily-clad men are ogled like a prime-rib special at the meat counter.
- W.M., Blacksburg.
Dear W.M.:
Not yet, so far as I know. However, a girlfriend of mine has an idea for a new business called "Peckers," in which the waiters all wear Speedos. And instead of doing the Hula Hoop for tips, they jump up and down on a Pogo Stick.
Lest you be offended by the name Peckers - as many women have by the name Hooters - my friend suggests that the business cover its butt by using a non-offensive logo, just like the chain Hooters does with its trademark owl.
My friend suggests that Peckers use Woody the Woodpecker as a logo. There now, isn't that politically correct?
by CNB