Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: WEDNESDAY, October 13, 1993                   TAG: 9311110374
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

A FASHION SHOW FOR ALL US BABBAS

In fashion shows, I have learned, skinny women probably named Georgette strut around and look like they'd think nothing of running over you with a Mercedes. And the fashion reporter says: ``Renaldo Saint LeBeau's new fall creations are loose and careless this year. Note Cassandra in this creation that keeps falling down to impishly reveal her navel.''

And Renaldo says in an interview: ``Ah, yes. For too many of zee years, vee have trapped our vimmin in zese clozings zat are too tight for zem. At zee same time, vee have ignored zee navel and uzzer parts of zee female form divine.''

(``Zee female form divine?'' Don't try using that one in the office, Charlie, if you want to stay out of court.)

This is the start of the fall season, and my new interest in fashion is making me hope that some designer, ideally named Bubba Hankins, will throw a fashion show for good old boys like you and me.

I have laid in a few fall creations myself, and I would like to compare them to what Bubba's showing.

The first guy down the runway, Jimmy Joe McKinley, is wearing a pair of those great britches that have these things on the side that slide back and forth easily so that you can either reduce or increase the waist size.

The fashion reporter says: ``Jimmy Joe is wearin' th' latest in them slidin' britches thet lets uh man breathe, no mattuh how much Bud Light he puts into hisself evah night. Y'all'll notice th' freedom this gives Jimmy Joe 'cause he can adjust these britches tuh keep 'em wheah they supposed tuh be when he does th' Cotton-Eyed Joe with Charlotte May Farnsworth.''

Then Bubba says in the interview: ``Ah was listenin' tuh Tanya Tuckah uh few yeahs back when Ah got th' call tuh do sumthin' about yore average good old boy's clothes. Ah hope Ah have dun sumthin' tuh rid th' world of th' image of uh good old boy, wearin' his britches too low below his gut and bein' meaner n' hell 'cause his pants was killin' him.

``As yew can see from the smile on Jimmy Joe's face, what Ah call mah slip- slidin'-away pants give him comfort an' uh lotta confidence. Ah mean, he ain't no skinny yuppie, but he don't look all that bad eithah.''

Then Tommy Don Laudermilk shows off one of those oversized cotton sweaters that tend to disguise corpulence. And then there's Danny Will Hockdaday in one of those quilted shirts that are intended to do the same thing.

Then, just to show you what kind of a swell guy he is, Bubba lets Renaldo Saint LeBeau show one of his creations. There is Charlotte May Farnsworth wearing one of those things that stress ``zee female form divine'' and keeps falling down to impishly reveal ner navel.

What a guy that Bubba is. Ah got me uh pair uv them slip-slidin'-away britches, and Ah'm just waitin' for the right girl tuh come along an' Ah'll dance th' Cotton-Eyed Joe in comfort.