Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, December 13, 1993 TAG: 9312110164
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: By SUSAN CAMPBELL THE HARTFORD COURANT
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
So are your children.
Considering that Michael Jackson falls on so many kids' hero lists, you may be asked to explain to them a complex - and unresolved - situation. The questions may be vague or quite specific, but you'd better have an honest answer.
Of course, no two children are going to ask the same question, but many of their questions will fall into the same general categories.
In general, remember this: "The questions they're bringing up are a whole lot different from the ones we think they're bringing up," said Peter Smith, senior consultant in child and adolescent psychiatry at the Institute of Living in Hartford, Conn. And so some parents may be tempted to be too detailed in their answers.
"The construction of the world of a 6-year-old is very black and white," Smith said. "If you're guilty, you're guilty, and you deserve fairy tale retribution."
So here are some general questions about the Michael Jackson situation, with some suggested answers.
What's happening to Michael Jackson?
Ask the child what he or she knows. Then, correct any misunderstandings. The essentials of the case are that a 13-year-old boy has brought a civil suit accusing Jackson of sexual abuse. Jackson, citing an addiction to painkillers, has been in London at a treatment facility. A judge has given him until Jan. 31 to give a sworn deposition that tells his side of the story.
"There's a lot about Michael Jackson where we don't know what happened," Smith said. "We all have our biases."
"I don't like to project my own opinion," said Gregg Brohinsky, day-care supervisor for the city of Hartford's day-care program. "You don't want to lie, but who knows what the facts are in the Michael Jackson story? It's surely not what you see on "Hard Copy."
Did he do it?
"I would tell the children that that's something for the courts to decide," said Warren Logee, principal of John F. Kennedy Elementary School in Windsor, Conn. "I might also say something about how he must have some personal problems that the rest of us don't know about.
"I would say that we have a legal system that we have to trust, and I think we need to make sure the children hear the message that we shouldn't prejudge people."
However, given the way younger children's minds work, they may have already judged the entertainer.
"You can simply add the `if,' but you are doing it more for yourself because the children won't hear it," Smith said.
"You could tell them that there's an investigation," said Brohinsky. "Answer them honestly, and give them as much information as they need to know."
If this happened, where were the child's parents at the time?
That's a good question, and only those parents know. "Unfortunately, most of the time children take the view that the child did something wrong," Smith said. "If a child was hurt by an adult, they're going to either view the child as having deserved it, or the adult as being wrong." Now is a good time to emphasize that the adult may have done wrong - not that the child deserved to be abused, Smith said.
How could Michael Jackson have done something like this?
"It would be reasonable to convey that even though somebody is very famous, they can still have personal problems," said Richard Fahy of Fahy and Associates, a Connecticut psychotherapy group. "And that what Michael Jackson is reflecting is a very serious personal problem - at least, that's what seems to be implied."
Brohinsky said, "That's a problem when we create these heroes that are larger than life. No one can live up to the kind of status we create for these people. We build them up to knock them down. It seems to be the American way. Should Michael Jackson be a role model? I have my doubts. He's a singer and a dancer, but that's something different."
Will Michael Jackson go to jail?
That depends. You can't go to jail on civil charges. But there's an ongoing criminal investigation, and if something comes out of that, Jackson could go to jail if convicted.
"Anybody who hurts somebody else deserves to get help and may also deserve to be pursued by the law in order to make retribution and possibly to help the people he hurt," Fahy said.
And, maybe the most important unspoken question: Can this happen to me?
"Say to the child, `You know that if you were really upset about something, I would want to do everything in my power to help you,' " Fahy said. "Michael Jackson is one more person with emotional problems right now. We have to be understanding and reasonable with him, because what affects one person affects all of us."
by CNB