
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: WEDNESDAY, September 14, 1994                   TAG: 9409200010
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

WEEK 2, AND I'M ALREADY BORED STIFF

Here we are, friends, back into the National Football League, and from what I've seen and heard so far, there may be a future for World Cup soccer at my house.

I know that soccer appears to be a game in which participants run aimlessly up and down a funny-looking field, and there isn't a whole lot of excitement.

But I'll tell you one thing: You don't have to put up with Terry Bradshaw if you watch soccer on the tube.

I seem to recall someone describing Bradshaw as "lively." I think that may be true if we can get together and agree that being "lively" is about the same thing as being nuts.

I don't know about you, but if I could afford to have a cocktail party, old Terry wouldn't be invited. This guy could break up the furniture just clowning around. No wonder that ice skater couldn't get along with him.

I find myself in this strange season out of sorts with John Madden - who is now on Fox with Terry. I hate to admit it, but I have said some hard things about John - things I used to say about Dan Rather before I stopped tuning him in.

I always liked the way John said BOOM! and commented on players with their jerseys out of their pants. However, he recently fawned over the Dallas Cowboys to the extent that I switched to the Weather Channel to see what the temperature was in Madrid. I forget the reading now, but it was a nice day.

I'd invite Pat Somerall to my party. He's no furniture wrecker. I'd ask Art Monk and John Riggins, if Riggo would agree not to insult the U.S. Supreme Court justices who would be coming.

I guess Joe Gibbs would be invited. I wouldn't expect him to attend, though. On NBC, he looks, well, what we used to call ``kind of peaked,'' and he has never been your average party boy. Maybe the fumes from all those race cars are getting him down.

I guess Joe Theismann of ESPN might be invited. A good party always needs somebody who can talk a lot and is willing to wear a lampshade.

Mike Ditka, who works with Gibbs on NBC, might be acceptable. He just looks like somebody that would break your 18th-century corner cabinet - if you had one, which we don't.

Frank Gifford from "Monday Night Football" would be a welcome stabilizing influence. You know Frank. He's the Walter Cronkite of jock television.

I would invite a couple of the Redskins. But I don't think they could find their way to the house.

by CNB