Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, January 3, 1994 TAG: 9401260004
SECTION: EDITORIAL PAGE: A7 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: SARA HOLLAND
DATELINE: LENGTH: Long
Most of the women do not want the aid of public assistance. They needed it to assure that they and their children have health care, child care or were able to have an affordable rent while they attend school, or at least acquire job readiness preparationskills. All the while, they are doubting that the entry-level, minimum-wage job that they will first acquire can sustain their basic needs.
The general public cannot imagine going from subsidized housing to a $250-per-month rent while starting to pay health insurance (coming off Medicaid), and no longer being eligible for food stamps. It is quite a culture shock. for recipients who try to make the step.
I have seen the vicious struggle that these teen-agers and, later, young adults and, much, much later, middle-aged adults have, still trying to get past the permanent hindrances of teen pregnancy or multiple pregnancies.
We recognize that there are many causes for the high incidence of teen pregnancies: relaxed standards of our society; the erotic visual stimulations of daytime and nighttime television; the reluctance of many parents to establish limits and monitor activities of their youth to assure that the limits are maintained; the refusal to acknowledge a religion and morality; the breakdown of the nuclear family structure as well as the extended family.
All of these are causal factors, but in talking with young mothers and pregnant teens, the one thing that is consistent is the reason they got pregnant: wanting to create their own family structure, one over which they can exercise control. A baby would give unconditional love. Many of the pregnancies are not by accident, but are intentional. This is true - whether the illegitimate pregnancy occurs in a teen mother or in an older woman - because of the need for acceptance and love, even if you have to create your own source. Your own baby.
I have interviewed nearly 200 teen males and females within the past year and in doing so, have been able to see the effects of the lack of nurturing, self-esteem and worth in our children. During my interviews, I first had to define the term "strength." I asked: "What are your best qualities?" Ninety-seven percent of these youth could not identify a single "good quality" that they possessed. If they could identify a strength, it was a physical trait.
If our children are unaware of their qualities - that they are special, unique - but feel they can only discover a "specialness" through their body - offering it to solicit a simple emotion of affection, recognition, acceptance or tenderness even for just a brief moment - they settle for those stolen moments and call it "love." Even when it is accompanied by abuse, it satisfies their immediate need for affection and recognition.
The key is to develop a new strategy to enhance their self-esteem. Everybody talks about it, but few are doing anything to enhance self-esteem in our youth. When people feel good about themselves, and see value and worth in themselves, they are empowered and cannot be exploited, compromised sexually or otherwise.
Along with giving youth the esteem, encouragement, praise and recognition needed, we must also provide gentleness, tenderness, caring and guidance. This needs to begin early in a child's development and continue throughout the teen years. Parents, teachers and other "significant" adults need to develop a system of support to make it innate that our children know they are special and significant beings.
My personal philosophy is "God does not make junk." Each of us is a special being. We as humankind create "junk" through neglect, isolation, verbal abuse and put downs. We kill the spirit of our fellows. Some of us cannot feel that we are significant or special without demeaning others.
As a community we must nurture our children: red, yellow, black, white, interracial or multiethnic, whatever their ethnic background, both male and female. Let them be aware that they are something of value and not a physical sex symbol; that they are not to sell themselves short or underrate their self-worth.
On the other hand, young people need to be taught that parenthood is a lifetime job and is a responsibility. Becoming a parent prematurely can and does predispose you and your child or children to a lifetime of poverty and reliance on others. This reliance strips away much of your self-pride and prevents you from being all that you are capable of being. This is another link in the chain. The very babies you wanted become the object of resentment because you begin to consider them a burden causing you to miss out on so much.
There are many who defy the odds. They tighten their belts and pull out, making successful lives for their children and themselves. These are the women with esteem, determination and the realization that one mistake does not have to ruin their lives.
However, those who have been successful were so because of the support network and the backing they received from their own mothers. I recall one in particular of my generation: She had 10 children, starting early in her teens, but her mother did not cast her aside. She obtained a post-secondary education, concentrated on a career that required certification, got a job and is now nearing retirement. One of her children has a master's degree, another graduated and is in business management, another in business etc. She is a homeowner. These are only a few of the facts about this woman who was a teen parent. She beat all of the projections of failure and poverty.
The causes are many for teen pregnancy. The pregnancies occur across ethnic, social and economic lines. We should not portray a stereotypical image of a pregnant teen.
We cannot put the blame for the high teen-pregnancy rate solely on this generation of youth; but we as a society must look at how we have contributed to the creation of an environment that produces this crisis. The attitude that "anything goes," "do your own thing," "let it all hang out," has been fostered by our reluctance to set and maintain standards for our children to emulate and our failure to regulate the media. We are letting Hollywood provide the role models for our children.
I hope that during the Christmas season, when many of us celebrate the birth of the greatest child ever to come to Earth, that we can begin to make a personal resolve to provide strength, guidance and assurances of love and caring to our children; to foster the stability and self-worth that does not leave them to their own devices or feelings of incompleteness, which lead to premature parenting. It is a challenge, and must be a team effort if we ever hope to reverse this trend.
\ Sara Holland is youth services director of Total Action Against Poverty in Roanoke.
by CNB