
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: MONDAY, May 23, 1994                   TAG: 9405230109
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: Ben Beagle
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

LET ME BRIEF ABOUT THIS . . .

Where on this aerosol-doomed planet would you find a poll that asked the ultimate question of what kind of underwear the president of the United States should put on?

The Wall Street Journal. Where else?

It reported recently that Americans, by 27 to 19 percent, say their presidents ought to wear boxer shorts rather than "briefs" - which, of course, in our culture will always be Jockey shorts, no matter the name brand.

You know about Jockey underwear. Teri Garr used to wear it in commercials. Wore it quite well, actually. Teri is not president of the United States. Yet.

Bill Clinton doesn't need the extra burden right now of having people wondering what kind of underwear he has on when he is making a speech or jogging or eating fast food.

I'd bet on boxers. Maybe with little pictures of forest animals on them.

We should all be thankful a kind providence has not yet allowed the same question about the wives of presidents. If the subject ever does come up, I hope boxer shorts won't be involved in any way.

(This whole affair reminds me once more of the American obsession with underwear that starts quite early in our lives when we are told to always wear clean underthings - no matter how tattered - so that we won't be embarrassed in case we are in a non-fatal, or fatal, accident.

(In such cases, people in the operating room always said, well, live or die, this kid had clean, if tattered, underwear.

(This could later comfort the bereaved at the funeral.

(OK. We used to wear clean and tattered BVDs when I was a kid. I don't know why the called them BVDs. I don't even want to think about it.)

Lord. Did anybody take a poll to see what kind of underwear the people wanted Abe Lincoln to wear? Long johns, I suspect. A briefs person, Abe wasn't.

Or what Teddy Roosevelt should have had on under his Rough Riders uniform at San Juan Hill? In the deepest part of my soul, I like to think he was wearing white, no-frills, lightly armored boxer shorts.

I hope this is the last we hear of the Underwear Factor in American politics. I believe any American has the right to wear the underwear of his/her choice and not be made to answer in any other place.

I hope deeply that underwear isn't an issue in Virginia's U.S. Senate campaign.

Except it may be as good an issue as any.

by CNB