Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, May 30, 1994 TAG: 9405310151
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: HOLIDAY
SOURCE:
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
I have nothing but the deepest regard for American companies that offer 800 numbers for consumer comment.
My car company has an 800 number, and it also sends out questionnaires asking how you were treated when you took the car in for repairs.
This occurred on April 8, and I don't recall anybody being nasty. Of course, I don't recall a whole lot about April 8 in general - except there was no charge because this was a warranty matter.
I gave everybody a rave review, but the question that asked whether the garage people were neat and clean troubled me.
They were neat and clean, but even if they had just immersed themselves in the used oil, my background as a Southern boy growing up during the Great Depression wouldn't have allowed me to comment on their personal habits.
Old yours truly here is not going to dial an 800 number and say:
"Hey, sis. Your mechanic was a greaseball, and it looked like he hadn't had a manicure in six months. I think the people over at the Super Heterodyne Eight place are cleaner, and their cars have air bags for the rear seats."
I was brought up to believe that very clean mechanics probably aren't getting the job done.
The other day I found an 800 number on this bag of snacks designed to lead you to an early grave.
I know that reading labels is a good way to drive yourself nuts, but I was looking for the calories per serving - which I wish I hadn't found.
So what is a dedicated snack eater supposed to do with an 800 number like that? I don't want to call and say:
"Hey, Bob. Just want you to know I ate the whole thing. I hope you don't mind, but I've put you down as a pallbearer.
"And by the way, pally, what is this thiamin monitrate? Sure, you say it's a vitamin, but how do I know that for sure? Might be one of those mind-arranging drugs, for all I know."
These 800 number people are for real. And they're all just as pleasant as they can be.
I once told a young lady who was on the phone for this iced-tea maker I got for Christmas that the machine smelled electric. She said unplug it, which was very good advice. I later found that I was trying to misuse this appliance in a way that might have burned down half the county.
I hope these 800 people are well-paid. I don't care how much this adds to the price of your average iced-tea maker.
by CNB