Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: FRIDAY, January 27, 1995 TAG: 9501280024
SECTION: CURRENT PAGE: NRV-11 EDITION: NEW RIVER VALLEY
SOURCE: RAY COX
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
They ring in the morning, they ring in the evening, they ring at supper time.
Occasionally, a caller will have some stunning piece of news, the kind that makes the eyes of bored editors grow large, their pulses quicken, and their voices grow loud. Such exciting calls are not routine.
Editors, on the other hand, create excitement wherever they are. But that is a topic for another essay.
Back to the subject at hand:
More usually, calls are of two types. One type is aggrieved readers who have a quarrel with the the contents of the news columns. The other is from those who have questions. Many questions. College basketball questions, car racing questions, questions concerning the meaning of the sporting life.
Often, we have no answers for these questions. When that is the case, the caller becomes distressed and irritable. In these troubled and dangerous times, that is not good.
So as a public service to the readers, we have moved to hire a consultant, an answer man, if you will. Other papers have them and now so do we.
Not at our Roanoke sports office mind you. Employees there know everything. No, we have our answer man right here in the New River Valley, where he is needed. Because this is where the most penetrating questions arise.
Q: Should one of the three remaining members of the New River District choose to tender its resignation, can the league continue with the remaining two members?
A: We wouldn't put anything past that crafty NRD. We thought they couldn't do it with four teams and they put the lie to that assumption. Certainly they couldn't do it with three teams, we thought. What fools we were. But two teams? Sure they can do it with two teams. Call it a home and home and home and home series.
Next thing we know, the good old NRD will be down to its last team.
Solitaire, anybody?
Q: Who can stop William Fleming in its quest to return to the state Group AAA basketball tournament?
A: Not many teams. Pulaski County is, however, on the short list. The Cougars are going to have to play as if they've just discovered that their baggy shorts have burst into flames, though. Pulaski County has a nice group together this year, but unless our answer man has missed something, which he never does, it doesn't look like they've found a means to put it all together yet.
The time for doing so draws nigh. Players like Tyrone Hash and Eric Webb don't come along often. Once they're gone next year, not even the answer man knows where suitable replacements are to be found.
Q: Why do I have the odd sensation that I am seeing double when I attend a Giles basketball game?
A: Hold off on checking into rehab, you are seeing double. Giles is stocked with not one but two sets of twins. That'll be Aaron and Anthony Myers and Raypheal and Maurice Milton in your program, ladies and gentlemen.
Now if those reeling and weaving Spartans can get all four tires on the road, then they're going to have something. Not only will it give their long-suffering fans a chance to start whipping those bandannas around, it'll give the headline writers a chance to dust off their variations on the ``Twin Killing'' headline.
Q: What's wrong with Blacksburg hoops?
A: Nothing that a stiff dose of Tony ``Now known as Anthony'' Wheeler can't cure.
Q: Is Christiansburg for real in basketball?
A: Just ask Blacksburg.
Q: Just where is this answer man?
A: Having a ball being a know-it-all.
Ray Cox is a Roanoke Times & World-News sportswriter.
by CNB