Roanoke Times
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: MONDAY, March 6, 1995 TAG: 9503090031
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE: LENGTH: Medium
There was birdsong. Gentle zephyrs and stuff like that. Snow drops and crocuses were pushing up to greet a kindlier sun. I guess goats and cows were capering somewhere in renewing meadows, and there were more robins than you like to fool with.
I expect those little black suckers that sting you when you are mowing the lawn and then your eye closes with this big hunk of tissue hanging down were rising from hell again to plan their summer fun.
Somewhere, the gnats were out of winter quarters and attending classes at GCS (Gnat Command School) on how to ignore all that toxic-smelling stuff you spray on yourself six months out of the year.
They probably have a crack green-beret outfit that is permanently assigned to my yard.
The sod webworms were having their annual convention. The theme was: "Kill Those Lawns Early; Don't Give 'Em A Chance."
I know slugs aren't energetic, but I'm sure they were out there somewhere planning their activities so that you would step on one of them every other summer morning when you go out to get the paper. They love to see barefooted old guys in knit shorts coming.
I'd love to step on a slug while wearing my ice cleats over my sneakers, but slugs don't like that kind of weather.
Spring. You gotta love it. Take it from a mouth breather who has swallowed four pounds of gnats during his adult life.
On a day like that, you throw open the storm windows to freshen the winter-stale house and then you find that the glazing is missing in one of the bathroom window panes.
You wouldn't have found that out if a nice late-winter blizzard had been blowing.
That's the thing here. If the wind chill is 10 below, you don't go fooling around with windows. All the glazing in all the windows could fall out - which is not impossible - and you wouldn't know about it.
You wouldn't notice all the mortar that's missing between the bricks on the front walk.
Who cares if you've got 18 inches of snow on the driveway and on the walk?
You really don't have to shovel it. It'll melt by the time the slugs start checking out their sliming equipment.
On the other hand, you have to fix windows right away or you'll start a de-glazing chain reaction.
I'm still hoping for a nice March blizzard. I've never inhaled a gnat during a blizzard.
by CNB