
                         Roanoke Times
                 Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.

DATE: WEDNESDAY, November 29, 1995                   TAG: 9511290029
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1   EDITION: METRO 
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
DATELINE:                                 LENGTH: Medium

I OWE THE BEATLES AN APOLOGY

Maybe it's the season that has inspired all those full-color brassiere ads.

I mention this merely by way of social comment.

You ladies out there who think this is going to be about brassieres can put your smelling salts away. I have been told rather firmly that male persons my age can't do brassiere ad columns without appearing to be dirty old men.

The mention of dirty old men did, however, start me to thinking about how certain of these codgers looked upon the Beatles when both they and the Beatles were younger.

These men were of the big-band/World War II era, and the appearance of the Beatles was a clear sign to them that the world was going to end the first Tuesday of the next month.

There were a lot of guys around who said they'd like to take the Beatles down to Fort Benning, Ga., for a haircut. It was hard for these guys - many of them still wearing GI crewcuts - to take the hair.

These guys - including yours truly here - went into culture shock, and the Beatles went on making money and singing. The lyrics seemed patent gibberish to people used to listening to Frances Langford or even Frank Sinatra - although a lot of these guys tried not to pay any attention to Old Blue Eyes.

There were some who thought that Ed Sullivan would be punished by God for having the Beatles on his show - or "shoe," as old Ed used to say.

Musically, things got worse in this country, and suddenly the Beatles seemed to be the sort of chaps you might ask to play at the church social.

There was rap music that would have killed your Aunt Sadie if she had understood a word of it.

We also got Madonna, Prince, "Queen" and Michael Jackson and some idiot who looked down his pants onstage right there in front of innocent children.

And those of us who thought the Beatles had a funny name hadn't seen anything yet.

Any day now, you may be introduced to a new rock outfit called "Goofy and the Headlights," or "Winkie and the Werewolves." And don't be surprised when "Death by Lethal Injection" or "Toopie and the Terrorists" shows up on MTV.

I therefore want to apologize to the Beatles. You guys are all right.

I actually hum some of the Beatles' tunes when I do the chores.

The guy who tries to hum a "Queen" tune probably is going to be insane by the time he gets the tarp on the woodpile and splits enough kindling for the fire.

by CNB