ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Wednesday, January 10, 1996 TAG: 9601100101
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: Ben Beagle
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
Used to be, you went to the drugstore and the pharmacist wrote dosage directions on the label and you went home and forgot to take the pills at the right time after the first day.
Nowadays, you still forget to take the pills at the right time and you wake up at 3 a.m. and don't know what to do.
In addition to bottles that are hard to open, however, something scary has happened to the drug process.
The last time I refilled the prescription for my foot medicine, a piece of paper with approximately the same number of words you might find in your average doctoral thesis fell out.
This, in effect, seemed to be list of reasons why maybe you shouldn't take the drug no matter how bad your foot hurt.
You read on, expecting to find out that if you have any history of bubonic plague in your family, this medicine will make you feel dead after a while.
It wouldn't surprise you to read that:
"Tests have shown that 20 percent of the people taking this drug have delusions in which they think they are Douglas Fairbanks Jr. or Margaret Sanger.
"This drug also is known to have severe effects on persons who expose themselves excessively to the sun's rays. Young women who parade around in bikinis are special risks - although few of them take foot medicine as a general rule.
"Laboratory tests have indicated that use of this drug in the presence of alcohol can have damaging results. For your information, there isn't a drug in the world - except maybe BC Powders - that you can take and still have a shooter or two before dinner."
I appreciate these efforts to keep me from having drug side effects. I got enough trouble with my foot and the plumbing.
I know what a side effect is. Not long after it was invented, I took penicillin for a cold and woke up the next morning with a rash and swollen feet. We're talking swollen here, George. I thought my toenails were going to launch themselves.
Still, you worry after you read the drug circular that one day you're going to be in the express checkout lane at the supermarket and start acting like Douglas Fairbanks Jr.; or, worse, Margaret Sanger.
Kind of makes you want to go back to the days when nobody went to the doctor except for gunshot wounds.
And BC Powders sprinkled on your tongue cured a lot of things but didn't do a whole lot for your tastebuds.
LENGTH: Medium: 53 linesby CNB