                                ROANOKE TIMES 
                      Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times

DATE: Tuesday, April 9, 1996                 TAG: 9604100011
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 1    EDITION: METRO 
COLUMN: Personal Health
SOURCE: JANE BRODY

'SILENT MAJORITY' FIGHTS BULLIES

Yorktown High School in Westchester County, N.Y., was having a problem with bullies. Parents told school authorities that older students were extorting lunch money from younger ones, blocking them from getting off the school bus at their stops and threatening them in the school bathrooms.

The place where children were supposed to feel safe was increasingly marred by taunting, shoving and out-and-out fighting.

At a community meeting, the Yorktown superintendent of schools blamed widespread violence and abusive behavior in the home for the aggressive behavior of children in school and reassured parents that, as they were identified, the bullies were appropriately disciplined by being suspended from school, as is done by many school systems.

But is this the proper way to deal with bullying, and is high school the proper time to start? Not really, according to experts who have been studying the problem and its solutions. Engaging bullies in a power struggle may simply make matters worse.

By high school, bullying has become an entrenched behavior pattern, one that should have been identified and stopped in the early elementary grades.

The two goals of intervention, said Dr. Kenneth Dodge, psychologist at Vanderbilt University in Nashville, are to create an environment in which bullying is neither tolerated nor admired so that it no longer ``works'' to build the bully's reputation, and to protect potential victims by teaching them how to respond assertively to bullying without escalating the conflict.

Dr. Carla Garrity, a Denver psychologist who with four co-authors produced a 367-page guide for elementary grades called ``Bully-Proofing Your School'' (Sopris West, Longmont, Colo.), insists, as do other experts on bullying, that a comprehensive program involving the entire school staff, parents and students is needed to create a safe and cooperative school environment that fosters caring in place of aggression.

The program, which has been field-tested in 12 elementary schools, starts with schoolwide ``no-bullying rules'' enforced by the entire staff and assurances to parents that children will not be individually identified as either victims or bullies.

The guide recommends that instead of being punished, bullies be ``disciplined'' by being taught to recognize, appreciate and perform caring and cooperative acts toward their fellow students.

And rather than teaching victims to fight back, which could make matters worse, the youngsters are armed with strategies that can deflect the bullying and are taught when and how to seek help from adult authorities.

But perhaps the most valuable part of Garrity's program is its involvement of the ``silent majority,'' the 85 percent of students who are neither bullies nor victims but who typically ignore the problem or stand by helplessly as their classmates get beaten up emotionally and physically.

By learning how to support the victims and shun the bullies, this no-longer-silent majority may well be the most powerful weapon in creating a safe and caring school environment.

The typical bully lacks empathy. He or she could not care less how much another child is hurt. The commonly used threats to deter bullying, including the threat of suspension, are not recommended; many children regard threats as a challenge to see how much they can get away with.

Rather, in response to the antisocial act of bullying, Garrity and colleagues say consequences should be assigned that foster empathy through ``prosocial behavior and helping other students,'' like having to stay after school to perform a helpful act, making a ``No Bullying Allowed'' poster, cleaning up trash in the schoolyard, working in the school office during recess, tutoring another child or having to observe children in the playground and keep a journal of acts of kindness.

Bullies, the authors insist, need to be handled with ``a firm, calm, confronting, no-nonsense style.'' For example, a teacher might say: ``Jason, I saw you hit Robert first, so I don't buy your story that you were just defending yourself. The consequence for hitting is 15 minutes in the principal's office. I will also expect you to apologize and do something nice for Robert, and I'll follow up with you tomorrow to find out what you did.''

Teachers, too, are urged to foster an atmosphere of caring by noticing and rewarding acts of kindness among schoolmates, like sharing with a child who has forgotten his snack or book, noticing another child's distress and asking if he or she is OK, including an often-excluded child in a game, inviting a new student to join in at lunch, saying something to ease another child's embarrassment, sticking up for a child who is called something mean or complimenting a child who has shown improvement in some skill.

Children victimized by bullies usually do not have the skills to stop the bullying on their own. Yet few report their troubles to teachers or even to their parents. And those who do are often inappropriately told, ``You're old enough to fight your own battles.''

Garrity said it is the school's job to identify victims and reassure them that someone cares and will keep them safe. She added that parents who discover that their children are being bullied must serve as advocates for creating a safe school environment.

Dodge, who has studied children's styles of responding to bullies, said that most effective were those ``victims of bullying who give short, assertive responses - `Don't do that, I don't like it' - and then walk away.''

Walking away, he said, is critical to avoid escalating the conflict. However, children who react angrily simply fuel the fight and create even more conflict, and those who cry, withdraw or readily give in to the bully's wish - ``Give me that basketball'' - are most likely to be bullied again and again.

To help victims learn and remember effective strategies, Garrity and colleagues use the mnemonic device "HA HA, SO":

"H" is for seeking HELP from an adult and/or other children.

"A" is for ASSERTING oneself when it is appropriate and safe to do so, for example, by saying: ``I don't like you gossiping about me and trying to make me have no friends. It's mean and unfair. Stop doing it.''

"H" is for using HUMOR to deflate bullying. For example, a small child labeled a twerp might make a Superman-style T-shirt and label it ``Super Twerp.''

"A" is for learning to AVOID a bullying situation by walking away, choosing a different route or being with others instead of alone.

"S" is for using "SELF-TALK" that helps the child maintain self-esteem during a bullying episode. For example, a child might say to himself, ``When Jason calls me dumb, it's his problem not mine. I'm a good kid, I'm nice to other kids and I try my best.''

"O" for learning how to ``OWN'' the put-down with responses like ``Yes, isn't this is an ugly outfit? My Aunt Sally gave it to me, but I had to wear it today because she's visiting us.''