ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Wednesday, July 10, 1996 TAG: 9607100021
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: ben beagle
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
I don't want to be judgmental or anything like that, but I think a certain magazine we won't identify has gone too far in one of its promotions.
I'm no bluenose, but I'm going to write Bill Clinton and Bob Dole about this promotion's possible impact on family values and domestic stability.
This female I know, who shall also remain nameless, got the following material in the mail recently:
"Dear Ms. X:
"Picture this.
"You're celebrating a special event with your friends. Everyone is dressed in their finest evening clothes. As you drive toward your destination, you're confident your car is every bit as special as the occasion you're celebrating.
"You're behind the wheel of a brand new BMW 850CSi."
Ms. X's husband comes home sweating in his 1978 Jeep and sees that his wife has all but won a BMW 850CSi with air.
She has to buy the magazine and send in her entry blank, but the BMW looks like a sure thing.
Sure. This is just a promotion - like those commercials where this crazy guy comes by in a sound truck and gives a couple million dollars to a woman who is close to having a heart attack.
I haven't been married for 44 years for nothing. I know that's the kind of thing that can cause trouble.
"So, Boopsie," Mr. X says. ``You haven't been in evening clothes since the interfraternity ball in 1951. I didn't know you had all these friends who had evening clothes. Most of your friends wear culottes and Reeboks."
"Dummy," Ms. X says. "This is just a promotion for a magazine. I don't want the car anyway. I like the sun roof, but I can't handle a six-speed transmission. And it seems to me you couldn't get a whole lot of people in evening clothes into a two-door coupe - especially if the air bags acted up."
"Yeah, sure," Mr. X says. "And what's this special occasion you're supposed to be driving to at night at your age?"
"I don't know, Perry Mason," Ms. X says, "but you can bet the cummerbund you never owned that it isn't our anniversary party."
"What do you dames want?" Mr. X asks. "Didn't I take you to that quaint Italian restaurant in 1992?"
"Yeah," Ms. X says. "Those take-out pasta joints can be charming, I guess."
Did Ms. X get sized for an evening gown? Did she send in her contest entry blank?
No. I think she gave all that stuff that came in the mail to this desperate person she knows who writes a column.
LENGTH: Medium: 59 linesby CNB