ROANOKE TIMES 
                      Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times

DATE: Saturday, August 31, 1996              TAG: 9609040008
SECTION: EXTRA                    PAGE: 12   EDITION: METRO 
                                             TYPE: MOVIE REVIEW
SOURCE: BOB FENSTER THE ARIZONA REPUBLIC 

THE `KID'S' A LOSER EVEN SINBAD CAN'T RESCUE THIS ONE

Sinbad is becoming the 911 of comedy.

Got a movie script that's dying on the page? Quick, send for Sinbad. He'll rescue the movie because the man is funnier standing still than most comics are yukking it up at top speed.

But even Sinbad can't save ``First Kid,'' a comedy that shows no vital signs.

Sinbad is stuck playing Sam Simms, a Secret Service agent who draws the bum assignment of guarding Luke (Brock Pierce), the president's 13-year-old son.

Luke is a first-class brat, although it's not all the kid's fault. He's a prisoner in the White House, without friends or fun in a life bounded by politics.

Simms teaches Luke to live it up as the bodyguard becomes first buddy to the first kid.

When Luke goes off to high school, Simms must go with him, giving the guard and guide a chance to take the boy through familiar sitcom rituals: first date, first fight, first bomb scare.

The relationship between a president's child and a Secret Service agent could have been funny. But it's not.

Sinbad has been stuck with rotten scripts before - or did you miss ``Houseguest,'' ``Coneheads'' and ``Meteor Man?'' If you did, lucky you.

But the affable big guy often solves script problems by cutting up like a one-man clown convention.

In ``First Kid,'' director David Evans (``The Sandlot'') doesn't let Sinbad loose. Or perhaps Sinbad just didn't get that second cup of coffee he needed to rev up his funny engines.

``First Kid'' manages only a few scenes where Sinbad musters enough energy to tickle out a few laughs. The rest of the comedy rests on tired TV gags that wouldn't be humorous even if they had a laugh track to guide us.

With all the funny, talented kid actors in Hollywood, the producers somehow managed to land Pierce (``Three Wishes''), who shows no discernible talent for comedy.

As a family movie, ``First Kid'' goes out of bounds too often, with an unnecessarily violent showdown when Simms has to protect the first kid from a crazy kidnapper. There's also an insulting amount of blatant product advertising from Dunkin' Donuts, Coca-Cola and Domino's Pizza.

Someday Sinbad will make a really funny movie. But not this time.

First Kid

**

A Walt Disney release playing at Crossroads Mall Cinema USA and Salem Valley 8. Rated PG, but should have received a PG-13 for violence and a nude moon shot.

LENGTH: Medium:   58 lines
ILLUSTRATION: PHOTO:  Brock Pierce (left) is the President's kid, and Sinbad 
          is his bodyguard in ``First Kid.'' color.