ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, September 2, 1996 TAG: 9609040046
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: BEN BEAGLE
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
The sun has an autumnal slant to it now and it's time to get on with our lives.
The days of wondering who the Redskins' first-string quarterback would be are over. The excruciating worry and speculation about the major candidates for president are in the past.
(I hope the Republicans and Democrats won't be offended when they find out I ignored both their conventions. I did catch part of Hubert Humphrey's 1968 acceptance speech on C-Span.
I don't want to be judgmental or sexist, but Tipper Gore should see the day she could make a speech like that. Or Hillary. Or Al. Or Bill.)
I know I have a lot to do. I've got to check again on whether the wood filler I put in the front doorstep hardened. I'm not getting my hopes up. I put it in there Aug. 12.
I'll also prepare a position paper on why we can't replace the floor in the kitchen with parquet. This will be one of the more compelling documents I've ever written. There is nothing like fear of financial ruin to inspire a writer. This is a very big kitchen.
I need to get out a memorandum on why we can't afford to have the wiregrass in the front yard killed and the yard reseeded. I'll argue that wiregrass is green in the summer and if you have enough snow in the winter nobody can see how brown it gets.
I'll rough out my oral argument against giving away my L.L. Bean hunting boots that I no longer use since I got my L.L. Bean snow sneakers.
I'll say that I intend to get myself into the peak physical condition needed to get these boots on over a heavy pair of socks and then lace them up.
I won't mention the fact that it's hard for old persons to walk in these boots for long periods of time.
I hope the L.L. Bean people won't take offense. They invented snow sneakers.
I'll take another look at the oak kitchen table I started refinishing in 1989. I always say it doesn't hurt to look.
I'll continue my research on this powerful ray gun that makes fallen leaves disappear, but I warn you that it needs a lot more work.
I know you want one really, really bad but just don't bug me. OK? When it's ready, I'll get an 800 number and you have your credit card ready.
By the time I've half finished what I have to do, it'll be Thanksgiving and the election will be over and the Redskins should be less than .500 on the season.
And the wiregrass will be nice and brown.
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