ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Wednesday, October 16, 1996 TAG: 9610160008
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: BEN BEAGLE
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
Early on, I swore a terrible oath to ignore political debates of all types and sizes.
I don't care if they purge me from the voting rolls and take back my World War II Victory Medal. That's the way it is.
(Don't worry. We used to swear terrible oaths in Radford all the time, so I know what I'm doing here.)
I wasn't among the millions who were supposed to watch the debates. I don't run with the herd, pal. And I can't stand all of that sincerity.
The fact is I have better things to do - like going to bed early and flossing. Dental hygiene will still be here long after the election.
And those of us who were around for the Kennedy/Nixon debates know that the only thing they're remembered for is Nixon's trouble with a sweaty upper lip.
I'm a lower lip sweater, but I never run for office or anything like that.
The fact also is that we aren't talking about real debates here. Abraham Lincoln and Stephen A. Douglas must be giggling and slapping each on the back - if they take the time Over There to watch one of these things.
I don't know what they might think of the debate between Al Gore and Jack Kemp - which falls a little short of being your average gathering of eagles, if you ask me.
I haven't had a lot of experience with debates, but I was taught they involve formally stated questions about certain pressing issues.
The true debate question might be composed like this: "Resolved: That `The Bridges of Madison County' and the Movie of the Same Name May Have Set Western Civilization Back to the Point From which It Cannot Recover."
Debaters who know what they're doing then take an "affirmative" or "negative" side of the question. They also say "mah opponent" a lot.
Incidentally, the above debate shouldn't be tried in your own home. It can be terminally boring - like the book and movie.
All of this is not to suggest that my behavior in these matters should be taken as an example for other patriotic Americans.
Nobody ever said I was a good citizen. I wouldn't tell this to just anybody, but I sometimes ignore school board members and incumbents on the ballot - which drives incumbents nuts.
I want it perfectly clear, though, that I'll defend with every fiber of my being your right to listen to all the debates you want.
Right now, however, I have to go. My lower lip is sweating again.
LENGTH: Short : 50 linesby CNB