ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Tuesday, November 5, 1996 TAG: 9611050035
SECTION: CURRENT PAGE: NRV-2 EDITION: NEW RIVER VALLEY
COLUMN: REPORTER'S NOTEBOOK
SOURCE: LISA K. GARCIA
The story of the brutal murder of Alexander V. DeFilippis is exactly the kind of bad news that many people write, call and tell us face to face they do not want to read. They don't need any more horror, they need - desperately - something good to look up to, or believe.
In many ways Alexander was that vision of goodness and remains so.
The 22-year-old Virginia Tech junior died Dec. 5 "for no good reason. No good reason at all," according to Gary Barker, who was sentenced in August. Barker's testimony helped a jury decide to sentence Benjamin Lee Lilly to death last week for shooting DeFilippis. Lilly's younger brother, Mark, has yet to be tried.
It was a wretched crime and the 10 day-trial left my faith in people shaken to its very core, but rebuilt it at the same time.
How could I not believe there is hope when Alexander's mother sent a message to Barker's aunt asking for Barker's address in jail? Christiane DeFilippis wanted to thank the 20-year-old for his testimony, despite the fact that he had helped kidnap her son.
After that day, Barker's aunt slowly came to know the DeFilippis family and spent the last day of the trial sitting on the same row with them in the courtroom. Her eyes shed tears equally with the DeFilippis family as she heard how the young shooting victim lived his life:
"We are left with the memories of his 22 beautiful years with us. Alexander was well-traveled, spoke four languages, loved sailing and photography. He enjoyed collecting antique coins and key chains from cities he'd visited around the world. He was a computer whiz and loved geography. He left behind a great many of his drawings and paintings which we cherish."
But Alexander left behind so much more.
I think of Reba Cromer, a retired Tech employee who said Alexander never failed to talk to her as she checked student IDs at Schultz Dining Hall. Cromer sat in the back row of the courtroom for two days until, as she put it, "justice was done."
I think of Mike Ellerbrock, who befriended the family of his former student and parishioner.
Ellerbrock took time from his classes at Tech to attend as much of the trial as he could. He sat outside the courthouse with the family during the grueling halts the court took to review motions for mistrials and exclusion of evidence. He even took time to drive the DeFilippis family to the site where Alexander's body was found in the rural Whitethorne area of Montgomery County.
I think of Alexander's father, Ezio, who hails from Rome. I watched him rub his eyes so hard during painful testimony that I thought he would leave the court with black eyes. Members of Ezio's hometown are dedicating a park in Alexander's memory. Alexander spent hours helping to build a play set for the local children in that same park, Ezio DeFilippis said.
I think often of Alexander's mother, who said her son loved family and children. She remembered a time when her son was 5 or 6 years old and family finances were tight. She and her husband were poring over bills and must have seemed worried. Alexander told her, "All the money in the world is not important if you don't have family."
I think of the many letters Christiane DeFilippis said came to her family from the New River Valley. She said often her highlight each day is opening those letters and writing the author. One person wrote a song about Alexander; another told her about how her son had volunteered time on an ambulance crew - something even she did not know.
"I feel so sorry for the other boys' families," she said. She knew they had lost their sons, too. I sat in awe listening to her describe the convicted murderer and the two accomplices as young men with such potential and future that had been so quickly wasted.
Christiane DeFilippis sometimes deals with her grief by writing. Her words are poetry - tragic and beautiful in the same moment. In a letter she wrote to a friend, she described her family's grief as unbearable.
"I can't believe such deep, deep pain does not cause us to die," she said.
The woman who proudly told me her first job was being a mother said it was her Catholic faith that has gotten her through the tragedy. "Spiritually I am at peace," she said.
When I asked her how her faith offered her comfort, she took time to write me a response:
"First of all I ask myself, 'Why do people sometimes take it out on God when tragedy hits their lives?' How many times do we hear, 'How could God allow this to happen?' Do we really think this is what God wants for us? He gave man a free will and, unfortunately for us sometimes, we have to live with the bitter consequences of that.
"However, and most important, I do find encouragement in my religion. When Our Lady appeared to St. Bernadette in Lourdes, France, she said, 'I do not promise you happiness in this life but in the next.' Therefore, as a Catholic Christian I have that guarantee, and it makes it easier for [me] to view all this as a temporary separation."
"All I have to do is wait," Christiane DeFilippis told me on the phone before the Ben Lilly trial started. "I know I will see him again. I know there is a better life."
LENGTH: Medium: 93 linesby CNB