ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1996, Roanoke Times
DATE: Wednesday, November 6, 1996 TAG: 9611060107
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: BEN BEAGLE
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
Nobody tells you about the guilt you get into after you give up formal exercise for the summer and now it's November and you're still not working out.
I had the whole thing worked out.
And I said to myself: Bennie, the humidity is enough to kill you and besides you have all these strenuous things to do outside.
And I said: Yeah, well those guys on the weight benches and exercise machines ought to get out here and mow this lawn. They'd be crying like babies in a hour.
And I said: The fresh air is good for you. Better than sweating in the basement on the old Walkfit, watching a 20-year-old TV set with rabbit ears that doesn't seem to be able to pick up anything but these really cute shows with instant people like Kathie Lee and Regis.
And I said: Look. The minute you can't get into those powder-blue jeans with the pleated front and the little elastic bands on the sides, you can get back down there.
The guilt came anyway.
I couldn't get away from TV commercials in which dedicated, and often apparently insane, people rolled on the floor with hoops and used other bizarre modern exercise equipment.
People were firming up their abs. They were building their pecs. They were maintaining their buns. They were burning calories. They were reducing their chances of a heart attack.
Every time I go to the basement for the mop bucket, there stands my Walkfit - its ski-pole-type handles unused; its computer no longer loyally counting lost calories; my feet no longer eager on its treadmill.
The handles - the use of which is supposed to give you a good aerobic workout and does if this means major sweating, heavy breathing and an occasional fainting sensation - seem to accuse me.
The same with the dumb bells. The weight bench has an inch of dust on it. The towels are still draped on it. They haven't wiped any scheduled sweat in a long time.
And these women with midriffs of coiled steel and these muscled men with their blood vessels showing on top of their skin continue to nag me.
I'm going back. Honest. I've still got about 150 miles to walk behind my genuine mulching and bagging lawn mower. I'll get a lot of aerobic exercise, get filthy and sneeze 2,002 times.
I'll be back on the Walkfit the minute the last leaf is bagged. Just don't expect me to go around with my blood vessels showing.
LENGTH: Medium: 53 linesby CNB