ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1997, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, February 3, 1997 TAG: 9702040006
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: BEN BEAGLE
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
It's been more than a week since we survived the Super Bowl. I have to admit that I don't know which one it was because I never did understand Roman numerals above XII.
I thought it might be of some help to you next year if I told you what I did to get by without serious mental complications.
First, instead of enduring the hours of pre-game hype, I turned to all the monster shows on TBS. While Terry Bradshaw was laughing madly and acting weird in general while interviewing some unfortunate football player, I was watching "The Omen."
Is that some scene or what when Gregory Peck is going to stab his son on a church altar?
Or how about Lee Remick falling at least 16 floors out of a hospital window and landing on an ambulance?
During commercials, I did switch to the Fox network and, sure enough, there was Jack Squirek, once a linebacker for the Raiders, who intercepted Joe Theismann's pass to Joe Washington in the Super Bowl in which the Raiders annihilated the Redskins.
They had the decency not to show a rerun of the play in this same game that had Marcus Allen running through 11 Redskins for about 15 minutes before reaching the goal line.
At 5:24 p.m., about an hour before kickoff, I (a) took a relaxing shower and (b) cleaned up after our cat Judy, who apparently is allergic to seafood.
I'm not suggesting that you need a shower or a cat that throws up a lot to avoid the hype of the Super Bowl. I'm just saying it helps.
If you would like a cat that does that a lot, however, I can give you a good price on Judy.
I'll admit I watched most of the game - avoiding the halftime show by taking a nap.
Some of the commercials got me a little crazy - including the one in which Fred Astaire danced with a modern vacuum broom instead of the plain old-fashioned variety. That kind of thing can give you sleep apnea.
There was a Pepsi commercial that nobody understood very well. And a number of beer commercials that were the obvious results of twisted minds.
I'd say my strategy saved me watching hours of pregame idiocy - which is what you have to watch out for. That stuff will get you unhinged and deeper into the cheese dip and beer than you ought to be.
To be fair, though, you'd have to say that Lee Remick demolishing an ambulance after a very long fall might call for an extra beer as well.
LENGTH: Medium: 52 linesby CNB