ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1997, Roanoke Times
DATE: Monday, February 24, 1997 TAG: 9702250145
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: BEN BEAGLE
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
I guess all you parents out there are just tickled to death at what the scientists have come up with now.
I don't know about you, but I tend to sweat a lot when I read the phrase "scientists say." I personally think we'd be better off if a lot of those guys and/or womanpersons got into the advertising business.
Anyway, these people have now given your children something they can use against you when they won't eat their broccoli or other green stuff.
They say that some people have genes that make broccoli taste bitter - even, I guess, if you drown it in hot cheese sauce.
Lord knows how many children George Bush ruined a couple of years ago when he went public against broccoli. But George was just giving a personal opinion that wasn't backed up with scientific research.
And people did tend to forget what George said pretty soon after he said it.
This is different. A mother sees that Nathaniel Jr. is not eating his broccoli and gives him the old song and dance about how good it is for his bones and everything and the kid has the perfect answer.
"It's your fault I don't like broccoli," he says. "You and the old man gave me these genes that make it taste bad.. Scientists say I'm a `super-taster,' and there's no way I'm ever going to like broccoli or brussels sprouts."
You might expect Nathaniel Sr. to take some part in this argument, but the truth is that he knows the agony of having anti-broccoli genes.
The truth is that he has been choking the stuff down for years as an example to the children and to preserve domestic tranquillity.
He hadn't known until the scientists told him that he had passed his genes on to his son. He feels dizzy with guilt.
He wants to say something like: "The fault, dear Martha, is in our genes, not ourselves, that we are `super-tasters' and underlings." But he doesn't.
Martha, who has recessive broccoli genes along with dominant chocolate genes, resents being put down by her own son as being responsible for a child who is a "super-taster."
"Eat your broccoli," she says. "Forget about your genes." Nathaniel Jr. begins to mumble about child abuse.
The scientists have ruined the evening - perhaps the lives - of these people.
Nathaniel Jr. calls a lawyer. Martha cries in the kitchen, stuffing herself with an eclair. And Nathaniel Sr.'s dominant bourbon genes start acting up.
LENGTH: Medium: 51 linesby CNB