ROANOKE TIMES
Copyright (c) 1997, Roanoke Times
DATE: Wednesday, February 26, 1997 TAG: 9702260026
SECTION: EXTRA PAGE: 1 EDITION: METRO
COLUMN: BEN BEAGLE
SOURCE: BEN BEAGLE
I don't think you're going to see me dancing in the streets a lot this year. Things just don't look good.
And we aren't even into March yet - which makes me nervous because we all know that it was during the Ides of March, whatever they are, that Julius Caesar got himself stabbed terminally.
You remember Julius. Had a crush on Elizabeth Taylor and told us that Gaul was divided into three parts. To be honest about it, most us didn't care how many parts Gaul was in.
And it was long before the Ides of March were due that the City of Roanoke ruined a record of which I was kind of proud.
Whenever somebody got busted for speeding, I enjoyed being overbearing and saying: "In my long driving career - including the time when U.S. 11-460 was mostly two-laned - I have a spotless record. Although I began driving U.S. 11-460 shortly after Daniel Boone used the same route, I have never had so much as a parking ticket. My sainted mother instilled a respect for law and order in me at an early age."
I can't say that anymore. On a terrible Thursday morning this month, I returned to my faithful Cherokee in the 300 block of Salem Avenue to find a parking ticket on the windshield.
I felt like a criminal. It was a two-hour meter and I ran 10 minutes late. Is that worth destroying a man's sense of self?
I paid the $5 fine by check, which wasn't easy because of the tricky envelopes the city uses for scofflaws such as myself. I hope nobody tells the children their father violated Meter Ordinance (20-79).
Thus, I won't be dancing on Happy Highfields Road because I don't need a disorderly conduct rap right now.
This same day, the cable company (a) reminded me that the rates were going up and (b) sent what appeared to be duplicate copies of the monthly bill.
Couldn't we save a little money here by having just one bill? Just a suggestion from a lawbreaker, you know.
I was nasty. I refused to put my account number on the front of the envelope when I mailed the check. And I thought about how HBO had gotten me a little crazy running "Forrest Gump" so much. The Ides of March aside, when are they going to make ``Forrest Gump II''?
To get something different, I almost subscribed to the History Channel - which I'm glad I didn't because of the new rates.
I have to run now. That may be my probation officer on the phone.
LENGTH: Medium: 51 linesby CNB