THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, September 25, 1994 TAG: 9409230017
SECTION: COMMENTARY PAGE: J4 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Opinion
SOURCE: By MARGARET M. ROBERTSON
LENGTH: Medium: 69 lines
Staff writer Elizabeth Simpson, in writing about fathers' rights in adoption (Aug. 28), took an extremely complicated matter and addressed one issue in a very simplistic manner.
No one denies that fathers' rights are important - child-welfare professionals know how important the genetic history is for children, the courts have upheld the rights for fathers to make choices and decisions for their children, and children certainly can be parented by fathers as well as mothers.
But sitting in a room with a new mother who went through nine months of pregnancy all alone, who just endured labor and delivery all alone and now must make a decision to place her new baby in someone else's arms, I would find it difficult to explain to her why he has equal rights.
He, who often promised love and care, quickly disappeared or denied paternity. Now it is her responsibility to find him and ask him if it's OK to make an adoptive plan. If he says no, she often is forced to parent.
I have also seen fathers who come forward, offer support and welcome a chance to parent. I have seen fathers sign entrustment agreements with tears streaming down their faces.
All fathers are not alike, just as all mothers are not alike. Each situation is different. The variety is endless.
Some mothers know only a first name. Some know both names but not the whereabouts. Some are afraid of him. Some know but deny knowing.
Some men never knew her name. Some don't want any complications. Some cooperate in every way. Some deny and run.
Many courts have ruled that in order to have rights there should be some indication of responsibility.
The whole fathers'-rights issue surfaced when children of a father who had cared for and parented them (but not married their mothers) were being taken from him. Of course he had rights. It was wrong to even consider doing such a thing to him or the children. But to extend those rights to the guys we chase all over town, who refuse to keep an appointment, who won't sign anything and who won't agree to an adoptive plan is ludicrous.
That's why you see the orders of publications in the newspaper. Believe me, if we had a phone number or even a last name, he would be called. I have personally been to jails, auto-repair shops, parks and many other places to find these men.
I am one of the folks endorsing legislation to change some of Virginia's adoption laws. The groups I represent are Virginia Association of Licensed Placing Agency and ADOPT. If passed, our law will make it a crime for any party to lie in regard to an adoption plan. This will help us to know the correct father if she knows who he is.
It will not ensure that we find him. But the birth mother cannot come back later and disrupt many peoples lives with ``Oh, I lied.''
Rewarding people for lying, especially in a court of law, should not be tolerated. Our law will also take away any presumptions as to the best parents. Present case law presumes birth parents to be the best parents. This will allow decisions based solely on the best interest of the child.
Adoption is a complicated issue. There are no simple answers. Balancing everyone's rights while trying to ensure the best interest of the child is tedious. Unfortunately, only the cases that go awry make it to the newspapers, and laws based on ``worst case'' are rarely good. A lot of committed people in our state are working hard to find answers for our children. MEMO: Ms. Robertson is associate director of Catholic Charities of Hampton
Roads. by CNB