THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Monday, October 17, 1994 TAG: 9410150047
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Column
SOURCE: Larry Maddry
LENGTH: Medium: 80 lines
CHILLED TO THE bone by letters claiming that I'd betrayed my Suthren hurritage, I figured it was as good a time as any to take a vacation.
I returned to work with a twinkle in my eye - and a moth in my wallet - only to find a stack of mail on my desk so angry it was held in check by a loop of bobbed wahr, as we say in the Texas panhandle.
Do Southerners love the Confederate battle flag?
Could Merle Haggard thumb a guitar? Does a hound dog paw a hole under the front steps?
Just for the record, all I said was it would be good manners for the state of South Carolina to remove the Confederate battle flag from atop its state house because it offends blacks. I didn't say do away with the Stars and Bars. I simply said it had no business flying from a state building whose occupants are supposed to represent all South Carolinians.
Blacks view the battle flag as a symbol of slavery in the same way that Jews, understandably, regard the Nazi flag with swastika as a disturbing reminder of persecution.
Folks who I am sure never laid eyes on that flag column have written to say I am two-, three-, possibly four-faced. And they are convinced I have advocated the burning of all Confederate battle flags and the melting down of their ancestors' swords and uniform buttons.
Here's a letter from Frances D. White of Norfolk, bless her. She invites me to ``visit the cemetery in which Confederate Major Joseph Ezra Gillette (her ancestor) was laid to rest just west of Franklin, Virginia, and stop and read the state highway marker commemorating his valor in service to our beloved Southern state and our NEVER TO BE REVILED Confederate flag.''
Lawdamercy, Miz White, give me a break!
And then there were the phone calls. . . . Ma Bell must still be blushing from the profanity hitting my ears. More disturbing were the ones that I suspect were from gray-haired Daughters of the Confederacy. The ladies were too angry for words. Just heavy breathing in the receiver and dentures clicking like castanets.
Hoo-boy.
As Joan Rivers says: Can we talk? Let us sit down beneath a lilac bush with a mockingbird singing in it, munch on Moon Pies, sip on Mountain Dews and reason together.
Do you know what the problem is? Folks in Dixie have no way of displaying their Southernicity without using a battle flag that really hits the hot button of many outsiders.
Now, folks north and west of here don't have flags identifying
their regions. That's because they are not readily identifiable parts of the country. Just a bunch of cloverleafs along the interstate between McDonald's and Wendy's.
The South is different. We've got a lot going on down here to be proud of besides Ferney McCall's collection of 1,000 pancake-flat road kills displayed outside Mobile, Ala., lemme tell you.
And we need a flag that not only tells others about how great we are but also sends a friendlier message than that battle flag. You know, a banner we can rally around. And whoop and holler over every time it is raised.
Frankly, I'd like to see one with a possum, possibly Pogo, on it. Maybe Pogo eating a biscuit. That'd be re-yuhl nice. Maybe we could put a ring of kudzu around the possum and the biscuit - like a Christmas wreath. (In case you are visiting these parts, kudzu is a green vine capable of swallowin' up houses and entire towns, and so fast-growing it can outrun a Volkswagen Beatle.)
Our us-are-friendly flag will need a motto, natch. I kinda like: ``Y'all Come See Us Now, You Heah!'' Or maybe: ``Will Somebody Please Pass the Corn Bread?'' Whatever. I'm not very good at this.
Hey, maybe you can help! Why don't we have a contest. Use your digital computers, your thinking caps, your chilluns' crayons and color us your idea for a Southern flag with a motto. We'd like to mention the best in the column. And, just to get your interest, we'll give a $100 prize to the best entry.
Just mail your entries to Dawgonit I'm From Dixie Flag Contest, c/o Lawrence Maddry, 150 W. Brambleton Ave., Norfolk, Va. 23510. ILLUSTRATION: Larry Maddry suggests a new southern flag.
by CNB