THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, October 22, 1994 TAG: 9410220302
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY DENISE WATSON, STAFF WRITER
DATELINE: NORFOLK LENGTH: Medium: 73 lines
It took 10 years for Lynn to realize that her husband was a batterer.
It took her that long to realize that when he would mosey into the kitchen while she cooked and bump into her so that her head crashed into the hood of the stove, it wasn't because he was clumsy.
It took her that long to realize that he wasn't being forgetful every time he said ``I'm sorry,'' only to hit her again.
Lynn shivered Friday night as she stood in the cool air of the Waterside Amphitheater and poured out her story.
``And I believed him,'' Lynn said. ``I don't know how to describe emotional abuse, only to say that it brings on a complete disintegration. It kills your soul.''
Lynn was one of several survivors who nervously took a microphone and told a crowd of about 60 how they had lived with domestic violence. The testimonials were a poignant part of the second-annual Candlelight Vigil for Domestic Violence Awareness, sponsored by the battered women's shelters of Hampton Roads, the Peninsula and the Eastern Shore.
October has been designated to publicize the pervasiveness of family violence. The National Coalition Against Domestic Violence estimates that at least 4 million incidents of domestic violence against women are reported each year in the United States.
For the past three months, since the murder of Nicole Brown Simpson brought attention to the plight of battered wives, area shelters have been so busy they have occasionally had to turn women and children away.
Someone whispered ``Nicole'' later in the evening as candles were lit to honor survivors and those killed by their abusers. But the event centered on the speakers.
A couple of men called on ``their brothers . . . to stand up and say domestic violence is not synonymous with manhood,'' and Dr. Elaine Witty, dean of education at Norfolk State University, described how domestic violence is changing the classroom.
``It's very hard for a child to learn long and short vowels if they're trying to block out the scene of their mother in tears,'' Witty said. ``Or if they are too sleepy because they didn't get enough sleep the night before. . .
Kathleen, 24, was the last to walk up to the stand.
``My abuse didn't start with my last relationship. I've been plagued by abuse all of my life,'' Kathleen said. ``My mother is the one that blazed the trail, not by staying in an abusive relationship but being the abuser herself.''
Kathleen said she went through three abusive relationships, the last with a fiance she met three years ago, before she was able to recognize abuse.
``I left him and moved out of the county, but he stalked me,'' she said. ``. . . The most horrible incident was when he kidnapped me and my daughter. When he punched me, he overthrew his punch and hit my daughter in the face. That's when I realized this was not a normal relationship.''
Kathleen and her daughter fled to Hampton 17 months ago, with a few dollars and the clothes they wore.
``People ask me how I could leave with only the clothes on my back and I tell them I had more to lose by staying.'' ILLUSTRATION: Color photo by BILL TIERNAN, Staff
Showing support for battered spouses were - front row, from left -
Rosanne Lopez, 6; Megan Miller, 4; and Christopher Miele, 11. In the
back row were an unidentified woman; Kathleen Miller, Megan's
mother; and Karen Hatch. They were participating Friday night in the
Second Annual Candlelight Vigil for Domestic Violence Awareness
Month at the Waterside Amphitheater.
KEYWORDS: BATTERED WOMEN ABUSE DOMESTIC VIOLENCE by CNB