THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, December 3, 1994 TAG: 9412020081
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E8 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Religion
SOURCE: Betsy Wright
LENGTH: Medium: 87 lines
AS A PROTESTANT living in the United States, I rarely think about the issue of religiously mixed marriages. Baptists marry Methodists every day. Presbyterians and Episcopalians have kids together without remorse.
Even crossing the once-taboo line of Protestant-Catholic unions is no big deal in the melting pot of America. I should know. I - a Methodist - am married to a Roman Catholic.
But for many American Jews, the term ``marrying out of faith,'' still brings a shudder. Why? Because the more Jews marry out of faith, the greater grows the danger of losing the faith altogether. This is the issue of religious assimilation.
A local rabbi once explained to me that religious assimilation - the gradual absorption of the minority group into the main cultural body - is a greater threat to Judaism than the Holocaust, religious wars and anti-Semitism put together.
Those horrible assaults on Judaism, he explained, have encouraged many Jews to embrace their Jewishness. Negative assaults tend to rally Jews, giving them a real enemy.
Religious assimilation, however, is much more insidious. The rabbi likened it to a ``slow melting away'' of a faith and a people. Religious assimilation is the erosion of a heritage. Like a small sand dune on a beach, once that heritage is absorbed by the tide, it disperses and becomes not an individual entity, but part of the greater ocean.
There is a real danger that Judaism in America will become part of the ocean of American culture. Jews are keenly aware of this.
Lately, I've also become keenly aware of the issue.
My friend J.P. - yes, the same friend who introduced me to my husband - is getting married in May. J.P. is Jewish. Her husband-to-be is Presbyterian.
Though neither she nor her fiance practices either faith, J.P. wants a religious ceremony. She has become aware of her spiritual needs and wants to learn more about Judaism. Like many 30-something people, marriage and the prospect of children have made her ache for God in her life.
Her laid-back husband-to-be is ambivalent. Anything's OK with Bud.
J.P. wants me to speak at the wedding and openly invite God to enter her marriage. She wants other friends to read Scripture, some from the Hebrew (Old) Testament and some from the Christian (New) Testament.
J.P. also wants her marriage blessed by a rabbi.
She and I both knew this might be a problem from the start.
``Don't get your hopes up,'' I told her, ``I don't know of any rabbis who would bless such a marriage. Even the more liberal Reform Jews I know aren't real keen on mixed marriages.''
That was confirmed when she spoke to the Reform rabbi in Winchester. He was very sympathetic and strongly encouraged J.P. to further explore her Jewish roots. He set up a meeting with me and J.P. and said he'd help us formulate a Jewish-sensitive ceremony. Still, he politely declined to officiate her wedding.
``He's being a jerk,'' J.P. said, hurt and angry.
``No, J.P., it's more than that,'' I countered. ``He's simply being true to his faith and holding firm to his beliefs. You have to admire him for that.''
She softened and agreed, even admitting she is looking forward to our meeting with the rabbi.
I, however, was still bothered. Though I knew my answer was right, it felt shallow. It didn't feel like enough.
So since that call, I've been reading about religious assimilation. I hope to help J.P. see the real weight of this issue. I sense that if she doesn't understand where the rabbi is coming from, she might translate his decline to officiate her wedding as a snub.
Snubs - perceived or real - cause pain and rejection. I don't want J.P. to reject her beautiful faith.
Now, more than ever, she is on the cusp of embracing Judaism. I see a wonderful soul inside her, hungry for the nourishment of her faith.
Can I, a Christian, help her embrace Judaism? I pray so. I also pray that the rabbi we visit is as wise and loving as the rabbis I've known here in Hampton Roads.
Religious assimilation is a tough issue.
It's tougher when it affects people you love.
MEMO: Every other week, Betsy Mathews Wright publishes responses to her
opinion column. Send responses to Issues of Faith, The Virginian-Pilot,
150 W. Brambleton Ave., Norfolk, Va. 23510; call (804) 446-2273; FAX
(804) 436-2798; or send computer message via bmw(AT)infi.net. Deadline
is Tuesday prior to publication. Must include name, city and phone
number.
by CNB