THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Monday, December 19, 1994 TAG: 9412160037
SECTION: FRONT PAGE: A8 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Letter
LENGTH: Short : 47 lines
When will the whining stop? I get so tired of hearing women cry about all the burdens we must carry. Aren't some of these burdens the same ones we fought long and hard for the right to carry?
Although I agree with Susan Denley's somewhat simplistic analysis of what is expected of women today (``Man's Lot and Women's,'' Dec. 7), I am tired of hearing the childish ``I have it worse than you do'' song, whether it's sung by women or men. Ms. Denley missed the mark in naively stating that a man's ``only burden in life is financial success.''
Society places expectations on us all, regardless of our sex. And while the expectations may not be identical, I believe they are roughly proportional. Women who work do not earn enough to financially support a household. That burden still falls on men. So, women must cook the meals and clean their tastefully decorated homes? Well, men must first supply the homes, the tasteful decorations and the food. Don't forget that we also expect men to be resident plumbers, carpenters, electricians, car mechanics, landscapers, house painters and roofers.
Women are not the only ones expected to maintain youthful appearance. A man with a ``well-proportioned'' physique and a full head of hair is more highly valued in our society than one with narrow shoulders, broad waist and thinning hair. If either men or women fail to be aesthetically attractive, society says ``they let themselves go.''
It seems to me, though, that the heaviest burden men carry these days is not that of attaining financial or physical success, but rather of redefining their roles in society, while being told they are not doing it fast enough or well enough. The expectation seems to be for all men to automatically know how to be sensitive, attentive, intuitive parents, friends and lovers without ever having been taught the necessary skills.
If Ms. Denley took pencil in hand, she could come up with a list of unrealistic expectations and burdens placed on men nearly as long as the one she came up with for women - providing she has been taught the skills necessary to objectively and analytically assess a situation or how to turn dissatisfaction into action for change.
KATHY BEATTY
Chesapeake, Dec. 8, 1994 by CNB