THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1994, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, December 25, 1994 TAG: 9412230255
SECTION: VIRGINIA BEACH BEACON PAGE: 15 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: BY NANCY LEWIS, CORRESPONDENT
LENGTH: Medium: 83 lines
The joy of giving, which many reserve for Christmas, is for Ken and Debbie Nolan a year-round state of being.
The couple are the adoptive parents of two children with Down syndrome who, in turn, brighten their parents' lives immeasurably.
``They are nothing but joy and happiness,'' said Debbie Nolan of the youngsters. ``They have both been a blessing for us.''
``People say they don't know how we do it, but we don't know what we'd do without it,'' said Ken Nolan, watching Kelly, 3, and Matthew, 2, having fun at a Christmas party for mentally handicapped children last weekend. The event was co-sponsored by the city's Respite Care program and Virginia Beach police charitable associations.
Ken Nolan, a full-time student at Tidewater Community College, takes care of the toddlers during the half of each weekday that they are not at preschool, while Debbie Nolan teaches special education at Sewells Point Elementary School in Norfolk.
``The biggest challenge is caring for them,'' Ken Nolan said of the Santa-suited toddlers. ``It's hard to juggle everything around - the studies, sick kids.''
Debbie Nolan lauded the city's Infant Stimulation program for the help she and her husband have received in getting early intervention for their children. ``It's wonderful,'' she said.
The Nolans specifically requested children with Down syndrome when they applied to Virginia Beach United Methodist Services for the adoptions. ``They have a special place in our hearts,'' said Ken Nolan.
When the couple married in 1990, Debbie Nolan had been a special education teacher for about 12 years. Ken Nolan had met a number of Debbie's students during their courtship. The devoted teacher frequently brought her handicapped students home with her. Two of them - both children with Down syndrome - were attendants at the Nolans' wedding, serving as ring bearer and flower girl.
``When it came time to start a family, it just seemed we had done so much for other people's children and we wanted our own, but there are so many in the world that just don't have homes, and, of course, children with Down syndrome aren't the first to be adopted,'' explained Debbie Nolan.
Still, Kelly's adoption turned out to be a lengthy ordeal. The girl's natural mother left the hospital without her baby once she learned that the child had Down syndrome, said Debbie Nolan. The Nolans were selected from a field of 12 families who wanted Kelly.
Eleven months later, the couple decided to begin what they expected would be a long process to adopt a second child with Down syndrome. They wanted Kelly to have a brother, and they felt just as strongly about adopting another child with Down syndrome.
``Ken said, `What's one more diaper?' '' explained Debbie Nolan, with a laugh. But, just two months later, Matthew arrived. His parents put him up for adoption because they didn't think they could provide the best home for a child with Down syndrome, said Debbie Nolan. They were an educated couple who had researched their options - had even taken the child home after the birth for a short time before making their reasoned decision, she said.
Kelly and Matthew represent ``both ends of the spectrum'' of mental retardation in children with Down syndrome, said Ken Nolan.
Kelly is ``high functioning,'' Ken Nolan said. She was able to read signs at 18 months. Matthew, on the other hand, is not able to do tasks that are age-appropriate even for children with Down syndrome.
But these special children give their parents a ``special kind of love - they're just slower'' than their peers, said Ken Nolan.
What Ken Nolan wants for his children is that they ``be the best that they can be. . . that they are healthy, happy.''
And the joy-giving cycle is one the Nolans hope will bear repeating.
``I hope that they bring joy to others,'' Ken Nolan said. ILLUSTRATION: Photo by NANCY LEWIS
Kelly Nolan, 3, tugs at Santa's beard at the Respite Care Christmas
Party, while her adoptive mother, Debbie Nolan, looks on. ``They are
nothing but joy and happiness,'' said Debbie Nolan, adoptive mother
of two Down syndrome children. ``They have both been a blessing for
us.''
by CNB