THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, January 15, 1995 TAG: 9501150041
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: ELIZABETH SIMPSON
LENGTH: Medium: 69 lines
We spend our lives negotiating differences between camps.
Blacks and whites. Men and women. Straights and gays. Christians and non-Christians.
We bump against prejudice we're not even aware of, try to stand in someone else's shoes and don't come close. Think we're open-minded and beat our heads against the invisible walls that divide us.
Add another to the list of camps: People with kids and people without them.
That's one that can change overnight.
One day I am sitting in a restaurant rolling my eyes at the sight of a couple who comes in with two kids. Please don't let them sit next to me. Is it too late to move? Will the little table rockers be noisy? Why don't they go to Chuck E Cheese's?
The next day I am that couple, looking indignantly at whomever looks sideways at my kid. So, she's slinging spaghetti on the floor, you have a problem with that? She's 2, all right?
One day I'm raising my eyebrows at people who have to leave work at 5 to pick up kids from day care. The next day I am that clock-watcher. Really, guys, my kids know when I'm a minute late, I see it in their eyes.
One day I'm resentful of any break a parent gets, whether it's flex time or a tax refund. The next day it's me doing the begging. Please give me a break. I'm a parent. I'm bringing up the next generation.
The family gap reared its big purple Barney head again just a few weeks ago when President Clinton proposed a ``bill of rights'' for middle-income families. The $500 tax credit for children and tax deductions for college tuition got an ``amen'' from me.
Who could object, I thought. The prez is talking to real people, he's talking to America, right?
Wrong. The next day I overheard two single colleagues asking why people with children should get a tax break. ``Why can't everyone just pay their fair share,'' one asked.
My single friend's comments sounded reasonable, even familiar.
It wasn't so long ago I was saying them myself.
I once worked in a bureau where I was one of two single reporters. Whenever a story broke at night, the editor called me or my single friend. Every time. It was a great setup if the story was a good one; lousy when it was a run-of-the-mill fire.
Finally, my single friend asked the editor, ``Why don't you call Michelle or Martha?''
The editor didn't miss a beat. ``They have families.''
Oh, families. Children. Right.
So our time off isn't as valuable as theirs? So we don't count as much? We can't have personal lives?
The memory is still fresh after 10 years, and to this day I still get aggravated when I think of Michelle or Martha.
But I can at least see the other side now. I've felt envious of people who can work late without disappointing children. Who can drop everything at a moment's notice to get the big story.
Unlike race and gender gaps, the family gap is one you can jump across in the middle of the game. It's one of the few divisions where you can try on both sides for size in the same lifetime and truly say ``I understand.''
If only we could do that with the other differences. We'd come a lot closer to seeing that life is a trade-off. That neither camp is a bed of roses, or one of thorns.
And that our differences aren't just something to be tolerated, but appreciated. by CNB