THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Monday, January 16, 1995 TAG: 9501160029
SECTION: FRONT PAGE: A4 EDITION: FINAL
SERIES: The subject is sex
LENGTH: Medium: 58 lines
Jim Ballou
Jim Ballou grew up in a small Tennessee town where ``real'' men played football and the pope's word was law.
He was on the brink of adolescence when he began to defy the town's creeds.
``I knew I had crushes on the boys and not the girls. I realized when I was 12, but I didn't accept it,'' Ballou said.
Ballou played tennis and golf in high school and married when he was 16. He and his wife had a daughter, and an active sex life, but he knew something was missing.
``I used to pray to God to please let me wake up in the morning and let me have these feelings for women that I had for men,'' Ballou said.
``Or just don't let me wake up at all. Just take me.''
Instead, Ballou says, God gave him acceptance of himself. He separated from his wife when he was 21 and now, at 31, he's happy with life and his partner.
``Just through maturity, I realized there is a reason for this,'' said Ballou, who lives in Norfolk.
``Instead of trying to go by my will, I'll go by his will. I accepted if God created me this way, there's a reason. He didn't create me evil; he created me gay.''
- Denise Watson
Stan Chapman
Intimacy means knowing your partner through the heart, not through a sexual organ.
Stan Chapman figured that out, he said, after a bout of sexual addiction, a failed marriage and a religious experience. Now, the 41-year-old Virginia Beach man is saving himself for his next marriage.
``Sex is great, but I don't want it in any type of relationship until I get married,'' he said.
Chapman grew up not liking himself, trying always to do and say things that would please people. He tried to deal with those frustrations in bed. ``Men tend to feel they're macho when they're in bed with a woman,'' he said. ``I think a lot of men feel that their self-esteem is based on sex.''
About 3 1/2 years ago, Chapman turned to God, and away from sex. He found that relationships with women could be even more intimate without the physical act.
``Before, I felt that I could never have a relationship without going to bed,'' he said.
``I don't have to do that anymore. All I know is God sent some changes in my life and I feel better for it.''
- Diane Tennant ILLUSTRATION: Photos by Tamara Voninski by CNB