THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, February 28, 1995 TAG: 9502280041
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E5 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Book Review
SOURCE: BY JACKIE R. BOOKER
LENGTH: Medium: 79 lines
COURTNEY LONG, a filmmaker and writer, has compiled an illuminating collection of 26 interviews with black women under 30 - excepting one 84-year-old - that focus on sex, love and the lack of respect some black men have for their sisters.
The sometimes humorous, often serious vignettes in ``Love Awaits: African American Women Talk About Sex, Love, and Life'' (Bantam Books, $21.95) offer not-to-be-ignored advice to black men about relationships.
In fact, sandwiching the title, ``Love Awaits,'' on the book's cover are the salutation, ``dearest brothers,'' and the closing, ``much peace, your sisters.'' Long clearly intends his book as a peace offering in the war between black women and black men.
Many of the women voice sexual complaints. Assata, who describes herself as a revolutionary, gives this tip: ``Foreplay and afterplay will make you a much better lover. It separates a man from the boy.'' Her story demands that black women respect themselves first before asking black men to do so.
Lisa, a 20-year-old actress, discusses the pitfalls of having sex often and at an early age. Now, she insists on a relationship based on intimacy. Lisa says: ``Brothers need to understand that it's not all about women receiving an orgasm each time we have sex. It's the closeness that we crave. Part of the enjoyment of sex is the attention I'm receiving, not the orgasm.'' Lisa's painful lessons have led to her having more self-respect and control over her body.
Straight-talking and sincere, the women vent their frustrations and anger toward their black brothers.
Says 24-year-old Freda: ``I've given up on love. The whole love process is dead. It's not like our grandparents, where love was forever. It was monogamous and it was deep.''
Nineteen-year-old Lett complains, ``How long can you keep call'n me a bitch? You're rapp'n about the bitches you know, but do you only know bitches? You don't know any self-respect'n women that you can rap about?''
Jody, 26 and gay, tried sex with a man but confesses, ``I was doing that while all the while thinking I'd rather be with a woman, because that's what I was really sexually and emotionally attracted to. . . .'' Throughout her story, Jody discusses the lack of respect she received from men; she now finds more loyalty among gay women.
While the inclusion of an interview with an 84-year-old woman may seem misplaced, Long, himself a black man, uses the wisdom imparted by Lucille to guide younger men and women toward mutual understanding.
Lucille remained a virgin until she married at age 20. The patience she and her husband exhibited was not uncommon during their generation. Lucille bemoans the lack of respect men have for women today. Although she does not criticize young women and men for having sex, she does advise them to use protection against diseases and unwanted pregnancies. She also cites a lack of moral values in young people, a fault of parents who no longer instill them in children.
``Love Awaits'' delivers one main message throughout its many stories, and that is that black men must learn to love and respect black women. While his book relates the female perspective, Long presents reasonably balanced accounts of the women's lives and their experiences with men.
I think he errs, however, in relying only on women under 30. What about black women between 30 and 60 or even 70 who surely have interesting lives and can also offer advice? A wider representation of women from different sexual orientations also would have been helpful. While heterosexual women are well represented and there is one gay excerpt, the voices of asexual and bisexual black women are not heard.
Although directed toward black men, ``Love Awaits'' would benefit men and women of all races and sexual orientations. It explores sources of pain between the sexes, obstacles to relating, and new ways for men and women to be together. Long is at work on the sequel, a book of interviews with black men. MEMO: Jackie R. Booker is a former Norfolk State University history professor
who teaches at Western Connecticut State University. He is working on a
book about African-American family reunions. ILLUSTRATION: Courtney Long looks at relations between black men and women.
by CNB