THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Sunday, March 12, 1995 TAG: 9503120272
SECTION: LOCAL PAGE: B1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: ELIZABETH SIMPSON
LENGTH: Medium: 59 lines
I'm not a battered spouse, a Hollywood jet-setter, a football fan or a TV news junkie.
So, ignoring the O.J. Simpson trial had been easy for me.
At least it had been until Marcia Clark's husband began getting on her case.
The lead prosecutor in the Simpson trial, her husband contends, is a neglectful mother because she's spending too much time in court and not enough with her two kids. So, he's trying to get custody.
I should have seen it coming.
The poor woman has had every corner of her life scrutinized ever since she walked into this courtroom.
Her hair? Too curly. Her skirts? Too short. Her voice? Too shrill.
Now we get to analyze whether she's a lousy a mother or not. Oh, goody.
I have no idea which parent the Clark children should be with - that's not what this column is about - but I do question why Clark's long hours cast her as ``neglectful mother.'' Her male counterparts in court are more likely considered ``good providers.''
Maybe it's the same reason mothers who stay home with their children are called ``stay-at-home moms'' but dads who do the same are too often seen as ``unemployed.''
And why the term ``working mother'' is common jargon today, but ``working father'' seems redundant.
I guess the language will catch up as soon as our perceptions about equality do.
And they should. Because what's best for children are two parents working together to do their level best for their kids.
Sometimes that means Mom working overtime to build up the college fund. Sometimes it means Dad working two jobs so Mom can stay home. Sometimes it means Mom sneaking past a glaring boss to catch her kid's school performance. Or Dad taking a lower-paying job that frees him from traveling.
The choices aren't easy or obvious. They can make your heart and your head ache, and stick you between a rock and a hard place.
I know how Clark feels. Not because I'm a single mother. Or because I'm in the middle of a custody battle. Or because I work 16 hours a day. I'm not any of those. But I am a working mom.
I've juggled work with home, looked to my husband to fill in when I couldn't, and stepped in again as he was heading off to a night assignment.
Still, I often ask, how much work is too much? How do you weigh job stability against time with your children? When does the give-and-take become tug-of-war?
Marcia Clark is finding out in a court battle that's famous for analyzing everything from ice cream to race relations to custody battles.
Sure, the dilemma of working parents may be entertaining to watch on Court TV. But the balancing act is just as important, and not one iota easier, in the living rooms of those of us watching. by CNB