THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Wednesday, March 22, 1995 TAG: 9503220032
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E1 EDITION: FINAL
SOURCE: LAWRENCE MADDRY
LENGTH: Medium: 84 lines
HEY, ARE THINGS going our way in Hampton Roads or what?
First, the ODU Monarchs beat Villanova in triple overtime.
Now comes word that Iona Traylor, the Queen of Southern Camp, will be a star attraction at this year's Downtown Doo-Dah Parade in Norfolk on Friday, March 31.
Iona's manager, Doug Blevins of I.T. Productions, phoned to say that Iona, that wild machine of the drag queen set is not only coming but also bringing her house-trailer yard and pink plastic lawn flamingoes,
``It's going to be very special,'' Blevins said. ``She'll be wearing one of her yard outfits, her polka dot Capri pants with elaborately colored top and her special hand-made earrings.''
Iona, as nearly everyone knows, is the star of the Iona Traylor calendar, which is on sale at Waldenbooks stores across the United States and Canada. She also has a ``Queen of Southern Camp'' line of birthday cards.
As Iona says: ``Ah, there's nothing like the smell of plastic and the feel of AstroTurf between your toes.''
Plans now call for Iona - the princess of stretch synthetic fibers - to actually mow her AstroTurf lawn while atop a truck flatbed. Along the way, Iona will pass out free copies of her calendar as souvenirs.
``She will be on the back of a lawn tractor driven by Melvin the waitress,'' her manager reported.
Melvin who?
``Melvin will dress like a roadhouse waitress and wear an Elvis hair-do and big eyeglasses,'' Blevins explained.
Oh, that Melvin.
Blevins said Iona always wears earrings appropriate for the occasion, as was the case recently when she delivered a singing telegram at the Outback Steak House. Although Iona has a voice that can etch glass, her voice is often overlooked because of her stunning earrings.
``The earrings she wore at the steak house were very large and decorated with a steak, baked potato, broccoli . . . and with a knife and fork on the side,'' Blevins said. ``So tasteful.''
He didn't know what type earrings Iona would wear for the Doo Dah.
``Probably the white earrings she wore at the Pavilion in Virginia Beach the night Joan Rivers was there,'' Blevins reported. ``That night she wore her black and silver cocktail dress, white gloves and her white trash earrings, which were absolutely wonderful.''
The white trash ear rings are tiny white trash cans with garbage spilling out of them. ``All the Traylor girls are given the earrings when they turn 16,'' he said.
As usual, the parade - led by Katie, the official Doo Dah Dawg of Destiny - will march along Main Street in Norfolk, beginning around 12:30 p.m. As is custom, the parade will fold back on itself near the World Trade Center and collapse.
There will be lots of parade unit entries this year, according to Festevents. Here are just a few: The Marching Odor Eaters, Women Dressed Like Okra (uh, sorry, that's Oprah), the Society of Cheap Wine Drinkers, People Waiting for a Taxi, Men Carrying Large Unidentified Packages and many more. The deadline for applications is Friday. For more information, phone the Festevents office at 441-2345.
Festevents says it is still possible for musicians of no talent whatsoever to join the Please Don't Play It Again Sam Band - under the direction of the Virginia Symphony's own JoAnn Falletta. If you'd like to say you once performed with the world's worst band, dust off your musical instrument and phone 441-2345 to sign up.
To honor this year's Doo Dah Dawg of Destiny, the d'Art Center will do a d'Art Does Dawgs party from 6 to 8 p.m. on the 31st. Folks are encouraged to bring down their dogs for a goofy dog tricks competition. (Prior registration requested.) Prizes will be given for the best dawg, dog with longest tail, canine couture, etc.
Judges for the dog show are Jane Browning, Richard Buchanan, the Honorable Joseph Green Jr., Lucy Herman, Becky Livas, Sheriffs Bob McCabe and John Newhart, Martha Lee Shaw, Vince Thomas and George Tucker.
The center will also conduct a juried art show entitled ``Show Dawgs'' from March 30 to April 9. Art must be delivered to the center by Sunday. The show is open to all media but must be an artwork containing a dog or dog parts. Call 625-4211 for information and dog registrations. ILLUSTRATION: The outrageous Iona Traylor will be a star attraction of
Norfolk's Doo-Dah Parade on March 31.
by CNB