THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Friday, March 24, 1995 TAG: 9503240058
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E12 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Listen Up!
SOURCE: Smitha Gottimukkala and Jonathan Kolm
LENGTH: Short : 50 lines
DEAR SMITHA AND JONATHAN,
I'm a white girl at your average high school thinking about dating this guy Mark, who happens to be black. The problem is my family. They're conservative and maybe even slightly racist. I don't want to rebel, but I don't want to lose my open-mindedness either. (I don't think his family would approve either.) How do I get around my family's ridiculous reasons for not letting me date another human because of their skin color? - Open-minded
Dear Open-minded
Sooner or later most of us will reach a point where what we want and what our parents want for us collides, and we are forced to choose. There are steps you and Mark can take before it gets this far.
First, let your family know about Mark without bringing up dating. Mention that you have a friend who is funny and nice and that he is African American. Maybe have him come over and see how your family deals with that.
If everything goes OK with your friendship with Mark, ask your family how they would feel about the two of you going out. If they object, ask them why and hear them out. Many parents who are against interracial dating are usually more worried than prejudiced. They are probably worried that as a part of an interracial couple, you'll be subject to social disapproval and maybe even violence. This doesn't mean you shouldn't date Mark, but it might help you understand your family's point of view.
If you talk to your parents about Mark and they are still not supportive, then you'll have to weigh the risks and pains of dating him. It's possible that if you go out with him anyway, your parents will come around if you are noncombative about the whole thing. On the other hand, it's also possible that they will never accept the relationship.
If you and Mark have to give up dating to appease your family's wishes, console yourself by knowing that even if your parents can control whom you date, they can't control what you feel and think. No one can close your mind if you are determined to keep it open. MEMO: Smitha Gottimukkala is a senior at Norfolk Academy. Jonathan Kolm is a
senior at Tallwood High. Their column appears biweekly in Teenology.
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