THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Tuesday, June 6, 1995 TAG: 9506060001
SECTION: FRONT PAGE: A14 EDITION: FINAL
TYPE: Editorial
LENGTH: Short : 43 lines
We already have People and Us magazines, but the times cry out for a magazine called Them.
It would cater to paranoiacs and consist mainly of articles on sinister people, animals, machines, one-world governments, extraterrestrials and federal bureaucrats coming to take us away.
Some typical headlines:
``Give Me Back My Mind''
``Coincidence or Crime?''
``Hidden Taxes''
``Proof They're All In It Together''
Them would advertise itself as ``The choice of people people are out to get.'' Its motto would be, ``Everything is true.''
An article might begin:
``How does the IRS know where I live? I've moved seven times since 6 o'clock this morning, and it's only noon. They can't see me, because I'm invisible. They can't hear me, because I never talk and always tiptoe. Yet the tax form just arrived in my new mailbox. How can that be? Why is my phone ringing? Are my bullets really armor-piercing?''
Another possibility:
``It was recently revealed that the Trilateral Commission has a fourth lateral, one far more ominous than the other three combined. Fourth lateral officials read your thoughts before you have your thoughts and thus can intercept and alter them at will. Peter Jumpit of Miami set out to be a physician and was astounded to learn, upon reading his diploma, that he'd become an accountant. President Clinton has been convinced by fourth lateral thought waves that he is a plant in dire need of sunshine and fertilizer but that Hillary is out to water him.''
As a kind of joke, each Them reader would be charged the entire annual subscription rate every month. by CNB