THE VIRGINIAN-PILOT
Copyright (c) 1995, Landmark Communications, Inc.
DATE: Saturday, June 17, 1995 TAG: 9506160046
SECTION: DAILY BREAK PAGE: E3 EDITION: FINAL
COLUMN: Issues of Faith
SOURCE: Betsy Wright
LENGTH: Medium: 79 lines
IT WAS THE sound of clanking pans and the smell of burnt toast that roused me one Sunday morning several Junes ago.
``Wait a minute,'' my drowsy mind said to itself, ``Something's screwy. This isn't Mother's Day. That was weeks ago.''
It was, however, Father's Day, and my two kids were fixing me breakfast in bed.
Why? Well, as they explained to me that morning, I was both their Mom and their Dad. It only made sense to them that since I was doing two jobs, I should get two celebrations.
Cute, huh? But as sweet as that memory may be, I'm the first to tell you I'm glad those days are over.
For almost eight years I was a single parent. Because my husband had died, my children didn't even have a ``weekend dad.'' They had only me.
I learned much in those eight years, but foremost I discovered that children need two parents. It's not that one parent won't do. Many well-adjusted people come from single-parent homes. Looking, however, at the statistics on such downers as teen violence and teen pregnancies, the big picture tells us that most kids are better off if they have two caring parents.
There are many reasons for this, but I believe it comes down to the attributes of God. In the Second Book of Samuel, chapter 22, according to the Life Application Bible, David sings a song of praise to God and lists the Lord's many characteristics. God is saving, worthy of praise, hearing, wrathful against enemies, rescuing, rewarding, seeing, merciful, revealing of himself, destroying of evil, powerful, strong, perfect, true, shielding of us from enemies, giving, gentle, preserving, living and delivering.
In other parts of Scripture, God is also described as fair, nurturing, loyal and forgiving. God, throughout Scripture, is loving.
Can any human possess all these attributes? No. Each of us possess some of these attributes, but no one other than God has them all.
So how does this translate into the need for two-parent families? Balance. If you've ever been a parent, you know that sometimes you need to be merciful, other times you need to be the disciplinarian and deliverer of punishment. When I was a single parent, it was often difficult to decide which course of action was needed.
In those times, it would have been a God-send to have had another person to help me decide. When there are two parents, ideally they discuss a child's needs. Ideally they balance each other. It is ultimately the balance of God's attributes, exemplified by two parents working together, that produces a healthy, happy child.
Having been remarried for 18 months, I've had plenty of time to test this theory about parenting - most recently after a particularly difficult row between my son and my husband. The day after their fight, I lamented a fear to my husband: ``I just don't want to see something like this come between your friendship with Luke.''
``That's not the issue right now,'' Bernie said. ``He's 15. He doesn't need another friend right now. You're his friend. He needs that, but what the boy also needs is a parent, and that's me.''
``But doesn't it bother you that he might not love you?'' I asked.
``No. I love Luke more than he knows, and that's enough,'' Bernie said. ``You need to understand. It's not important that he love me right now. That will come down the road. That will happen in five years when he looks back on all this.
``Right now, I don't care if he loves me. I don't care if he likes me. What's important right now is that he respects me.''
Even if they don't appreciate it yet, Bernie has become a real father to my children. He is also my balance . . .
. . . and that God-send I prayed for years ago. MEMO: Every other week, Betsy Mathews Wright publishes responses to her
opinion column. Send responses to Issues of Faith, The Virginian-Pilot,
150 W. Brambleton Ave., Norfolk, Va. 23510; call (804) 446-2273; FAX
(804) 436-2798; or send e-mail to bmw(AT)infi.net. Deadline is Tuesday
before publication. You must include name, city and phone number.
by CNB